Hanson Family

Honeymoon

2010-10-27T06:11:00.013-05:00

We had a great time in Costa Rica! The weather, although it was the "rainy season" was perfect - sunny and warm every day.

Our flight from San Jose to Quepos was canceled due to rain. We had to spend the first night in San Jose, and our hotel in Quepos felt badly. So they upgraded us to this suite -with a private pool, an outdoor jacuzzi, full kitchen, wrap around deck that overlooked the beach and the rainforest, and glass wall taking in the full view:

We did a tour ziplining the canopy of the rainforest one day. It was by far the most fun day! Our group was small (2 other couples) because Costa Rica is empty during the rainy season.

After the zipline, we got to swim in this waterfall:

The walk to the beach near our hotel was about 10 minutes. Here's my view over the top of my book:

Our view from our balcony - where we spent most of our time:

We took another tour, kayaking through the mangroves:

There were monkeys on our balcony every day:

We also saw sloths nearly everywhere we went. We saw a black and green poison dart frog hiking during the zipline day, several iguanas, a python in the mangroves, toucans in the tree across the street from our hotel, and a total of three kinds of monkeys (howler, squirrel, and white faced).

The day we went snokling we saw star fish, a sea cucumber, and a sea urchin.

It is WONDERFUL to be home! I missed the girls so much it hurt. I still miss them, even though we're home! They were completely happy with my mom - I honestly don't think they ever got that achy feeling I had. Mom said they were not sad at all while we were gone. She had them at our house on school days and her house on the long weekend.

Now we are back into our routine, which I love. Willow has an ECFE class tonight. They both started swimming lessons last night. Lily's in Girl Scouts again this year. They are both seem to have adjusted to all our life changes very smoothly and happily.

Wedding

2010-09-20T22:30:00.010-05:00

Here are all 7 of us together during the ceremony last Saturday, Sept. 18:

We had a great wedding! The sun was out and the bugs were not. We got married on our deck at 5pm with most of our favorite people.

Lily and Willow had updos done that morning:

Cutting the cake - at our house:

Jeni's picture of our vows:

Lily and Willow walked me down the aisle (Willow kept calling it Iowa):

Lily pulled me to the garage shortly after the ceremony to "talk to me in private". She wanted to know when she should start calling Marc dad. I told her whenever she feels comfortable - today, tomorrow, or when the judge says he's her dad. She's said it twice already - nervous, giggly, and silly.

We all love our new house - it doesn't feel new anymore, aside from the fact that we don't have many pictures on the walls. The girls both regressed terribly for about 2 weeks right when we moved in, after those 2 weeks they've been back to normal.

Lily LOVES first grade, loves her new brothers and sister, and is doing great overall. She's a happy, confident, pleasing little lady. Lily thinks of everyone, all the time. She is thoughtful and sensitive and helpful. I still worry that she worries too much (the irony...). Before we moved into our house she reminded me to check the batteries in the smoke detectors. After we'd lived here a couple weeks she suggested we do a fire drill in the dark ASAP. We saw Wicked last night (Marc, Megan, Lily and I) and Lily cried in terror through most of the 2nd half. Dare devil she is not.

Willow is MUCH more reasonable, but still a challenge. She's funny, stubborn, smart and LOUD.
She thinks Sam walks on water most of the time - unless she doesn't get what she wants, then she's mad at the world. She got the giggles during the ceremony when all the kids were up front and it made everyone giggle. Willow generally has that affect on people.

Marc and I will visit Costa Rica (ALONE) in October. My parents will stay at our house with the girls for 7 days. We are all thrilled to not have any pending "events" - no home sales, no moves, no wedding. We are well aware of the ups downs in the years to come - but for the last 6 months we've been dealing with all of that in addition to the "events". We are thrilled to be where we are - together.

July

2010-07-07T09:44:00.012-05:00

We've had a couple fun weekends at my parents' cabin this summer. The girls love getting rides on the 4-wheeler: Grammy and Lily could cuddle all day. I'm not sure who enjoys it more, of the 2 of them!

Willow and Lily both love "fishing" off the dock. Willow got mad at her pole more than once and chucked it in the lake. She is MUCH more reasonable, but I think will always be a little hot head!

You'd never know it looking at her smile sometimes, but she can turn on a dime!

We move into our new house on August 6: The highlights of the house are that there are 5 bedrooms (Lily and Willow will share until Ben graduates next year), an office for Marc who works from home, Lily doesn't have to switch schools for 1st grade next fall, and it's in the same attendance area for Marc's kids as when they're at their mom's house.

We're going to have a small, casual wedding/celebration in September.

We were all up at my parents' cabin for the 4th of July, except Ben (who had to work). The weather was perfect for playing in the water all weekend!

Willow is THREE!

2010-06-03T23:16:00.003-05:00

Marc sold his house! He moved in with us 2 weeks ago. We're looking at a house, hoping to have a new place where we fit with all 5 kids as soon as possible. We'll set a wedding date after we have a closing date.

In this video clip, Willow is reading a book from Marc. She combines Polar Bear (what do you SEE) with Brown Bear (what do you HEAR) constantly! At the very beginning she hears Lily and I get home from shopping for her birthday gift and says "I hear my Lily best friend", which is how she always refers to Lily. Lily Best Friend.

Willow's birthday is Friday, June 4th. She is doing great!

Mother's Day

2010-05-10T21:06:00.011-05:00

Marc's fixing up an old tricycle of his kids for Willow to cruise around on. She loved it! Grace, Tate, Lily, Willow:

Sam got Lily to ride her bike without training wheels:

Fear, excitement, concentration, pride. You know how you just know your kids' expressions so well you can recognize every emotion like that? The mouth holds one set of feelings, the eyebrows another. Even the hands... it's all there!

Marc picked the girls up early from school/day care one day to take them shopping for Mother's Day. They had a beach theme: sunscreen, beach blanket, flip flops, and nail polish. He took pictures and downloaded them to create a 8.5x11 souvenire for me. I really like Marc.

Marc sold his house! He's moving in with us a week from Friday until we either sell mine or find another that would work for us - whichever comes first.

Easter

2010-04-05T20:18:00.012-05:00

Every time I think Marc has lost his mind for getting himself into this mayhem, I have a moment like this remind me that it's not all mayhem: I love this picture. We're leaving the Ordway and the girls need a hand walking on the ledge along Rice Street:

Como during spring break:

Lily loves her uncle:

Yaya and Willow have a special connection:

I know some kids hate getting all fancied up, but I had to beg these two to change into play clothes at Grammy's after church on Easter Sunday. They love wearing dresses and they love matching each other:

All business:

Very, very little business. Willow smashed about 3 eggs during this process:

March

2010-03-19T16:35:00.021-05:00

Lily took gymnastics this winter/spring. I'd like to say this was her coming off a triple flip on the vault, but the truth is that she just flat out jumped off:

The bars are her favorite "event":

Check out the number of supporters she has! Megan was there too, but felt her hair day did not merit a photo:

We love going to the Children's Museum on Friday nights:

They have a cool dinosaur exhibit right now. Willow is digging for fossils:

But her favorite activity remains using the hand dryer. She's now mastered the backward maneuver:

I could RAVE about the current China exhibit. It was Lily's favorite this time. She claimed to remember practically everything that was there from her 11 month experience in China. She kept saying "Oh, I remember that." and "I already know about that."

We attended the Early Childhood class with the Easter theme recently. Willow loved the playdough and painting the most:

Lily loved everything, but she claims she's getting too big to participate.

We met a friend at the Maple Maze and Lily was big enough to get pretty high on the kiddy-climbing wall:

The activity of the spring has been pushing babies in their strollers. And, apparently, posing with an attitude and hand on the hips:

I've averaged about one showing a week - every week hoping "this is the week". I have 2 showings this weekend - Monday's showing will be my ninth. I get positive feedback overall, but no offers yet. One family commented that they would like to make an offer, but they have to sell their own home first. That is the reason Marc and I are not seriously looking yet - I don't want to fall in LOVE with a house and then have it sell before ours are sold.

Marc's house is on the market now too. He's had about 10 showings too, and lots of good feedback.

The girls are more attached to Marc than ever. They are sad on the days we don't get to see him and beg to go to his house when his kids are there. Just after this picture was taken they broke into the annoying 2-year old power struggle of "MY dad" then "No! MY dad". I noticed Marc didn't stop the argument - because he was busy melting. They don't call him dad, but Lily talks a lot about when he becomes her dad. I think they were just trying on the sound of the word. They had a similar argument in the car recently about Ben: "MY Ben." "NO! MY Ben" and on and on.

When they don't appreciate how I do something, they'll talk about when Marc can do it for them. For example, I am too rough and rushed when I do their hair. Willow said one morning this week: "Mom? You do Lily hair. Mart do my hair. O Tay?"

Say a prayer for two buyers to find our houses SOON!

January

2010-02-04T06:15:00.011-06:00

Lily is taking gymnastics this winter. Parents can only watch on the first and last weeks, so grammy and papa came to see her the first night:

We visited the Children's Museum recently. Lily's favorite place is still the bubbles - it has been since she was about 2! She works and works on these bubbles, while Willow runs back and forth from the hand dryer to the water table - mostly at the hand dryer:

We celebrated Marc's dad's 85th birthday the other night. The girls had a blast with their soon-to-be extended family:

They both love Marc's brother, Bart:

I love when Sam takes pictures with my camera!

Willow and I went to see Sesame Street Live together, while Lily played at Marc's house:

We are getting closer to putting our houses on the market. Marc is hoping to have his ready by the end of February. I'm ready to put mine up as soon as he is!

I'm GETTNG MARRIED!

2009-12-25T23:36:00.007-06:00

Marc and I are getting married in 2010! We couldn't be happier to have found each other and both believe all of our lives (us and our FIVE kids) will be more fun, more fulfilling, and happier together. We don't have a date and we do have a lot of work in front of us, but we are excited to get the ball rolling -sooner rather than later as Marc says. Willow adores Marc. Adores him. Here they are toasting - Willow has no idea that any of this is happening, but she was thrilled to have an opportunity to drink a limitless supply of bubbly grape juice in a fancy glass:

I told Lily in a sweet, quiet moment in the early morning in front of the Christmas tree: "Marc and I decided to get married." Long pause. "How do you feel about that, Lily?" "Good, but there's only one problem: our house is not big enough for 5 kids."

After I explained that we'll sell both our houses and get a bigger house, she said that she'll miss Marc when he goes to Hawaii. When I asked why she thinks he'll go to Hawaii, she said "Every man goes to Hawaii after they get married, don't they??"

Since I told her about our plan, she is more affectionate and connected to him than ever. About 2 hours later, she wanted to call him. When he answered she said "I'm glad you and my mom are getting married, Marc."

Here is the toast between Lily and Marc:

At 39 years old (and previously married), I wouldn't consider changing my name... if it weren't for the girls. They already have to deal with "Is that your real mom?" and "Is that your real sister?" constantly. We are all going to be a family, and I don't want to add on a life time of "How come your dad has a different last name than you?" and "Who is your real dad?" etc. It's so much more grounding for them if we are all Hansons. Here is the newest part of the Hanson clan-to-be:

December

2009-12-16T16:43:00.018-06:00

These girls are so excited for Christmas! Lily has been asking me how many more days since Thanksgiving. She asked Santa for a Nintendo DS, a Cookin' Mama game, candy, and a white bunny with a blue bow tie. I have NO idea where she got the bunny idea, but Santa hasn't had much luck finding one yet. Dang.

We went to Eastman Nature Center for a walk in the woods, crafts and snacks with Santa. Willow did end up sitting with Santa (when he gave out candy), but Grammy had technical difficulties at that point, so there are no photos. Grammy was going to arrive during the class and take them home with her so I'd have the afternoon to do Christmas shopping. She showed up right as the class was starting! I had no problem leaving early and got a bunch of errands done. All these pictures are thanks to Grammy. Thanks, Gram!

The bear was part of a school assignment: each Kindergartener takes the bear home for one weekend and then writes a journal entry about their time together with photos included. He made it to the Holidazzle parade, the Nature Center, and to the over-night at Grammy and Papa's house that weekend.

This is one of my all-time favorite Christmas shots:

Lily bundled up at the Holidazzle parade:

It's hard to believe this is the same child who had 30+ fits a day when I first met her. She is happy and silly and bright almost all the time. When she's mad, she's REALLY really mad, but when she's happy - she's joyful:

Willow has named her American Girl doll (from grammy) Fan. That's right: Fan. I asked her one day what the doll's name was. She blinked in thought, looked at the doll, looked back at me and said "Fan".

One night when I got to her room (after bed time stories and prayers on the couch) she had her PAPER gingerbread man in bed with her. I said "You're not going to sleep with a stuffed animal or a doll tonight?" She patted her little craft from Di's house (daycare) and said "no". I said "You're going to sleep with a piece of paper?" She said "Yes". So I kissed her good night and she said "Night night, mom. Night night ginger man." His little head was on her pillow and he was under the covers just like her. WEIRD!!!

That same "ginger man" had an incident on our couch recently: As I was reading bedtime stories, Willow (as usual) got up off the couch and went into her room. I kept reading to Lily, ignoring Willow's inabililty to sit still as long. She came out of her room with "gingerman" and climbed up on the couch with him. She bent his little legs like he was sitting on the couch between her knees, patted my arm, and said "Boo boo biaper, mom". That's how she tells me her diaper is in need of a change. So, this gingerman was going to the bathroom on my couch! Lily and I laughed 'til her eyes were watering. Willow was all business. She just kept saying "boo boo biaper", I kept telling her to get his stinky butt off my couch, and Lily kept cracking up.

We always have our Santa pictures taken at Portraits of the Heart in Andover. I love that we get an appointment (instead of waiting in a line), Santa sneaks in the photo while the camera ladies make the girls smile (instead of terrified kids forced to sit on the stranger's lap). Plus - it's not much more expensive that the mall shots. I love how Lily is her typical poised self and Willow is bursting out of her skin with JOY:

Before we left they asked the girls if they wanted to visit with Santa. Lily did; Willow didn't. Lily sat on his lap and told him what she wanted for Christmas. I have to admit that I put Willow on his lap for ONE SECOND in case I could get a cute photo (which I did NOT), and she screamed for about 5 seconds. As we got in our car leaving the studio, Lily and I waved saying "Bye, Santa. We love you!" Willow said "Willow no love you, Santa. Only Lily."!

Wrapping up November

2009-12-04T20:56:00.009-06:00

Beam bought the girls matching outfits recently - they love matching each other!
We shared part of our Thanksgiving with Marc, Ben, Sam and Megan at Grandma King's house. At one point Willow fell and got a little goose egg on her forehead (between her eyes). She reached out of my arms for SAM! He cuddled up with her and read a book for about 1/2 an hour - 'til she forgot about her sorrows. No wonder she adores him.

They just play and play constantly - they are seriously kindred spirits!

Willow shared her myPod with Papa.

One night after dinner at Marc's house, Ben and Megan each put a little girl on their back and ran around the house. Lily would holler "SWITCH" after a while and they'd switch backs and start all over again. By the time it was done, they were all 4 hot, sweaty, and giggly.

Here are some new dance moves:

October Update

2009-11-01T07:38:00.026-06:00

We didn't visit an apple orchard this year. Marc has an apple tree in his backyard, so we picked there and then Sam set up the peeler/corer/slicer. Marc made the best apple pie with our harvest!

Willow's been using the potty! She still need diapers, but they're very often dry at the end of the day. YIPEEE!

Lily loves Marc! We walked over to the park near his house many times this fall.

Marc's boys had homecoming this fall and we got to take pictures the night before the dance. Lily and Willow were totally impressed watching teenagers get all fancy!

Willow loves Marc too. When he walks in the door of our house, they run to him wrapping their arms (and often legs) around his legs screaming "MARRRRRRRRR!" They are sad whenever he's not included in our business. He adores them too:

We carved pumkins - the girls had a blast. It is not my favorite thing. It takes all my strength to sit back and let them dig and make that gigantic mess.

We had an Early Childhood class with a halloween theme. Lily's been going to these classes since she was 18 months. This was Willow's second class. The first time she was nervous and quiet - she didn't really want to do any of the activities. This time she painted, colored, and played in the kitchen area. I'm not sure if it was because Lily was along this time or because she was familiar with it. Either way, she had a blast.

Willow did not like her Elmo costume at first and the fact that she ended up wearing it was an incredible accomplishment! I got it out in mid-October, hoping she'd play with it and get used to it. Instead, every time I offered to put it on her she'd holler "NO ELMO!" Lily wore her princess dress a lot this month to try to help. Nothing worked. I told Willow she'd get candy if she wore it and said "Trick or Treat".
She put it one twice halloween night, both times she ended up screaming/crying and ripping it off her body. Finally, when all the cousins were getting ready to trick or treat, she put it on and loved it.

Lily, Willow, Grace (Cruella Deville) and Tate (Mr. T)

When Willow realized she really did get candy when she said "Trick or Treat" she loved halloween. She said it, got candy and said "Thank you" every time. It was adorable! We lasted about an hour before I headed back to Jen and Ross' with Willow. She was a sweaty mess under that costume!Lily loved her costume, but she wanted it shortened (as if it were a bridesmaid dress that we were going to get altered). She lasted trick or treating with Tate and yaya for nearly 2 hours! Willow wanted to eat all her candy. I gave her a limit and after she reached it, she picked up every, single piece and said "Tomorrow mom?" and I'd repeat "Tomorrow, Willow". When she found a Rolo that she REALLY wanted, she cried and begged and wouldn't accept "tomorrow." After about 15 minutes of crying and begging she held it right up to her face next to me and said "Elmo on, mom?" hoping the deal still stood: If I wear Elmo I can eat candy. I let her have it - that kind of creative desperation deserves a reward, right?

And Lily just sorted her candy. She opened 3 pieces, tasted them and then threw them in the garbage. She's a dentists dream!

October Update

2009-10-05T20:00:00.004-05:00

I am disappointed to report that I only have 2 pictures to post. My only excuse is that September is always hard on a teacher (and a kindergartener). We are all adjusted now, though, and I expect to pick up the pace with "events" and more photo opportunities now that we're used to day care, school, and work.

Willow adores grammy. She cheers when we mention her name and runs to her arms when we see her. Willow has been going potty on the toilet for a week now! At first I'd ask her if she wanted to call someone to tell them, and she rotated evenly between wanting to call Yaya, grammy, papa, and Marc ("MAAAAARRRRR!"). Now I just give her an M&M and she's satisified. She loves going to day care and cheers when we mention Di's name too. She is incredibly happy most of the time. She's got a hot temper, but is generally silly, playful, and smiley. She goes willingly to the nursery at church each week too - she's not the least bit afraid of being left witha roomful of toys and other kids (like her big sister always was).

Here grammy is reading out on my deck: Lily loves kindergarten. She loves the "homework" and her friends and her teacher. Her favorite part of the day, I'm sorry to report, is Kidstop. It's the school-based day care program. She gets to eat breakfast in the cafeteria, go to the computer lab, make art projects, watch movies, play outside, and play games/toys in the classroom. She absolutely loves it there! On Saturday when she got up, Lily asked me if she got hot lunch or cold lunch that day (she BEGS for hot lunch every day). I told her we were staying home together and she was devastated. She just loves going to school!

OK - here's to a photo filled October!

First week of Kindergarten

2009-09-11T06:16:00.005-05:00

Lily LOVES kindergarten! On Labor Day, she had some jitters, which nearly put me into crisis mode. All along she's been excited, so I've been looking forward to the big day. When she started crying because she worried some kids might be mean to her, I wondered if it was too late to open enroll her to my school (the night before the first day).

Here she is talking to grammy the night before her first day:

Marc offered to join us and took lots of pictures. I was incredibly thankful to have him there, because I think it changed the dynamic enough to help all of us feel (or at least act) braver. Lily was serious at home, but got bouncy and happy once we got to school. She hung up her backpack, and found a friend to play with at Kidstop right away. She'll attend the school-based day care program while she's not in kindergarten.

I worried all day long. I looked at the clock and wondered how she was feeling, where she was, and what she was doing about a hundred times during the day! I just couldn't wait to see her get off the bus so I'd know how her first day way. Can you imagine how I felt when this is what I saw coming toward me at the end of the day:

She chatted excitedly all afternoon and evening. She was giddy! She told me:
1. She has a friend named Maria who lives somewhere

2. You can never bring chocolate or nuts for snack

3. If you can't reach something you can ask a neighbor if they can please reach it for you

4. She has a friend named Tia who wants to have a sleep over

5. Everyone else has sleep overs all the time

6. Her school has puzzles with bumpy edges and straight edges

7. Some kids cried because they wanted their moms

8. The bus is really hot and really loud

9. They read a book about a cowgirl

10. They went to the office to look for a zebra (scavenger hunt)

She talked to grammy and papa on the phone after her first day. She said so many random bits of information, they had a difficult time understanding most of it:

Willow cried when I dropped her off at Di's the first 2 days, but yesterday (Thursday) she happily walked off to play with her friends. I love having the first week behind us! WHEW!

Summer's Over

2009-09-03T06:37:00.014-05:00

Summer is pretty much over at the King house. I went back to work this week and grammy moved in. My mom and dad sold their house, but are waiting to hear from the bank about the town home they want (which was in foreclosure) so they are homeless. Dad's been up north and mom's been raising Jen and I's kids! My girls got to put day care off for one more week thanks to grammy's homelessness.

On August 20th we appeared in court so that I would officially be recognized as Willow's mom. Now she'll have a MN birth certificate with my name on it. The judge did not have a shiner - I need to figure out the red-eye reduction problem with my editing software!
After court we got happy meals to eat at grammy and papa's house. I love this picture because they're all so true to character - Willow is being sassy with papa (who's across the table), Lily's doing as she's told and smiling pretty, and grammy's drinking them in. By the way, Willow is COMPLETELY over her fear of grammy. She runs into her arms, talks about her lovingly (instead of shaking her head and hollering "NO" every time we used to mention the word "gram"), and gets excited to see her.

Lily turned 5 on August 27th. We celebrated with the Johnsons at a hotel with a pool. Lily was far more excited about the bunk beds in the hotel room. When we served cake I asked "Who wants cake?!" Willow's hand shot up in the air as she yelled "MEEEEE!" and Lily said "Not me." She honestly didn't even eat a piece of her own (High School Musical) cake. She's so odd. Willow had enough for both of them.

Here's Lily with the Johnson cousins.

We spent some time last weekend at Marc's brother's cabin. The girls had a blast playing with Marc's "big teenagers":

Sam is SO patient with them. He is constantly playing and thinking of things they'll have fun with. Willow called him "Bam" until recently. Now it's "Sam". He wiped out on a dirt bike this weekend, and Willow was VERY concerned about him. Over and over I heard "Mom! Bam! Owie!" She wanted to kiss it, but it was too bloody.

And Lily just follows Megan around everywhere she goes. I have to put my foot down once in a while because Megan is so patient with it she'll never say no. Megan would draw these elaborate pictures and let Lily add details. Lily adores Megan and all her friends.

Lily will start kindergarten on Tuesday. She is so excited she talks about it all the time. She wanted me to read her open house fliers out loud 3 times - the menu, the conference instructions, etc. At bed time, after open house, she told me she had a shaky feeling in her tummy during open house. I said "Shaky?" She goes "Yea, you know when you feel like you have water in your tummy and it's shaky?" She was nervous! When she met her teacher, she was smiling and bouncy, so I know she has mixed emotions. I will be very happy when we have the first week behind us.

Every time I mention Diane's house to Willow, she hollers "NO!" and shakes her head. I just keep telling her "Not today, Willow." Good luck, Di.

Road Trip to Oregon

2009-08-07T07:46:00.060-05:00

We are home from our road trip to Oregon! We got up early on Monday, July 27 - leaving Maple Grove at 3:30am. My mom went with us and was very helpful, to say the least. The girls slept most of the morning on the way to Mt. Rushmore, then they watched movies, ate, fought, and played the rest of the trip.It was pouring rain in Keystone, SD. We killed a few hours at Mt. Rushmore to avoid setting up the tent in the rain. We took shelter under a tree when we got caught in a downpour:

And then headed for the bathroom to dry the girls' hair and dresses. They thought this was a blast. I was not impressed with this part of the trip.

We did make it to Mt. Rushmore between bursts of rain.

We went for a walk around Sylvan Lake near Keystone.

After spending 2 nights in Keystone, SD we headed further west for Yellowstone. We camped at Grant Park and spent a lot of time at Yellowstone Lake.

I didn't bring my cooking stove to save space (did I mention we all 4 traveled in my tiny Civic?).

We spent a lot of time walking around Grant Park the first day in Yellowstone. We wanted to avoid getting in the car after spending 9 hours driving from Mt. Rushmore that morning.

Lily desperately wanted a camp fire. Check out that fire!

The girls spent over 2 hours collecting sticks, pinecones, branches (and rocks and sand from Willow) for the fire while grammy and I got to sit back and relax.The second day in Yellowstone we spent about 6 hours near Old Faithful and surrounding geysers. Lily was finally impressed! The entire drive anytime I'd say "Lily! Look at the mountains!" or "Lily! Look at the elk!" she'd get annoyed that she had to look away from her movie long enough to appease me. She did love Old Faithful, though. And she had a blast naming the unnamed geysers and hot springs with us. Willow, on the other hand, hated Old Faithful. She has fine-tuned her scolding of all things hated to include bent knees, arm outstretched, pointed finger, shrill SCREAM, body leaning forward, "NOOOOO!". She didn't enjoy Old Faithful because of the fine mist it spewed in our direction.

This photo is significant because I have mastered a trick to get Willow to cooperate with pictures. Right before this was taken it occurred to me to only invite Lily into the picture. I said "Mom? Will you take a picture of Lily and I? Willow, you can stand over there." and pointed off in the distance. She ran to get in the shot! Why didn't I think of this a couple months ago? For the rest of the trip she ran to get in pictures and say "cheese".

Willow refused to ride in the stroller at Old Faithful. She hiked 1/2 mile up a "mountain" with us and then back down. She walked for about 4 hours around the geysers. She REFUSED to ride and I REFUSED to carry. The next day she couldn't walk! Every time I set her down she lifted one leg, cried, and waited for me to pick her back up. I kept saying "I broke my baby".

After 2 nights in Yellowstone we were back in the car on the way to Ontario, Oregon where my cousin Heather and her family live:

We spent a few hours in Heather's ADORABLE and homey quilt shop in Ontario. Lily was watching her cousin Hutton sew:

And then we drove just 2 hours from Ontario to Sumpter, Oregon where Heather and Julanne/Carl own land.

Lily spent a bunch of time picking huckleberries with her cousins in Sumpter. Ignore the "KEEP OUT" sign I guess.

The kids also loved digging in the rocks/sand:

We went on a steam-engine train ride while in Sumpter:It was attacked by robbers! Thankfully the robbers only gave out candy when they made their way onto the train.

Here are most of the little cousins in Sumpter. Hunter stayed back and Harper was asleep when this was taken:

Lily loved this dog! She drug Patches around constantly either carrying him or on the leash. Jen suggested I get us a dog and Lily will focus on that instead of climbing all over me, but all I could imagine was the dog AND Lily (and Willow half the time) barnacled to me.

Here are all the little counsins on our last night together in Sumpter. Heidi and Phil hosted a movie night:

And then we were back on the road on our way to the Oregon Coast:
With one stop on the way at this incredible mountain waterfall:

We tented 2 blocks from the ocean in Cannon Beach. It was incredible and I was instantly glad we made the trek.
Willow's first look at the Pacific Ocean:

I think it felt good to be out of the car again:

Grammy and her highly protective sun hat. WHAT is a sun hat?

I just hate the showers at camp grounds. I had to include this one to show how much the girls didn't hate camp ground showers. Why is that? I'm standing there thinking about all the other feet and.... well, I won't go on. I'm just glad to be home!

Lily got home sick in Cannon Beach. She cried and said she wanted to go home. I asked what she wanted to do first at home and she said "take a shower"! I guess I must have rubbed off on her. She said she missed her room (with the door shut) and her bed. Me too!

Willow was upset here because, once again, she wanted me to carry her. I wish I could have taken a picture of all I had in my arms: a stroller folded up, a giant beach bag, towels, my own back pack, and snacks for the day. She didn't seem to care:

And here's my view from the other direction. Thank God for grammy on this trip!

Lily and Gram went exploring and Lily found 2 perfect sand dollars. Notice grammy's cute, cute hair cut:

We spent almost 5 hours at the beach the first day and 8 hours the second day! It was heaven.

Ahhh, the life. An Oreo cookie, the sand, sun, surrounded by your favorite people and nothing to do but play in the sand and water.

We drove 14 hours 2 days in a row to make it home in 2 days. At our very last stop for gas in Fargo I told the girls they could pick out any candy/chips they wanted. Without hesitating, Willow pointed up high at this pink snowball thing. I can't wait to email Sandra and find out if she ate these things in Guatemala. I have never eaten one, much less given one to her. She knew EXACTLY what she wanted.

Another July Update

2009-07-15T20:40:00.008-05:00

We went to the Twin's game on Sunday. It was adoptive family day at the dome and Bethany had a section for families to chat and reconnect. We made it through the top of the 5th, and to be honest I couldn't believe we made it that long. I'm a half-game girl myself, so I was perfectly content to head out.

Willow couldn't believe Mauer struck out again: Just as things were unraveling, the family down the aisle invited Lily and Willow over for some cotton candy:

We saw The Wizard of Oz at the Stages Theater on Saturday. Lily asked if she could bring her blanket in case she got scared. My little worrier. They both sat great and Lily loved the show. At the end, Lily couldn't bear to get the wicked witch's signature. She adored Glinda.

And last week was the Maple Grove parade. It was so incredible to finally have Willow there with us. I remember last summer, at the parade, hauling a photo of Willow along in my backpack everywhere I went.

I'm so relieved she's here finally! However, let me paint a clear picture: Willow refused to ride in her stroller. Refused. Now, if we had been at a mall or on a walk, I would have given her two choices: walk or ride. But we were part of a procession and had to keep up. The other thing is that there was an audience! I actually gave in and carried that kid for 2 miles. I harbored resentment, but I did carry her for 2 miles. She won't forget it either. I know the next time we're on a walk involving the stroller she will do all she can to fight my options for her. Dang those parades.

Lily loves to pass out candy at the parade. She goes ahead of us, falls behind us, and just keeps throwing candy into the crowd. Well, at one point she got too far behind us and she got scared. She was inconsolable for about a mile, but Willow refused to be anywhere but in my arms. Thankfully, there was Marc! He happily (well, seemingly happily) carried Lily for about a mile. Thank you, Marc!

Willow repeats everything we say now. She stops what she's doing (often, not always) when I count 1....2.... instead of taking the time out at 3. She loves to play with toys and can keep herself busy with any little game/activity/sorting/piling longer than any kid I've ever seen. Her favorite toy is her doll - she loves to put her to sleep, feed her bottles, haul her around in her stroller, and cover her up.

July update

2009-07-09T07:10:00.012-05:00

Good bye, Andrew and Matthew! We will miss you next year when you're in Seattle. Lily's soccer:

Yaya's killer athletic instinct she does not have. But Lily has fun at soccer. When we got in the car this night I asked her what she and the "coach" were talking about. She goes "Dinner." It turns out she told her coach we were going to Cub Foods for groceries and getting JoJos for dinner. Her coach told her she was having chicken and rice and carrots for dinner. That's my girl - get the important details of a person's life all figured out!

We had a blast at the cabin over the 4th. Lily preferred driving the jet ski over riding in the tube.

Willow loved hanging out with her uncle and great-uncle:

We camped at Kamp Dels a couple weeks ago. Willow did great in the tent - she did have one knock-down-drag-out tantrum Saturday afternoon by the pool that weekend. She wanted to keep her sandwich box-thing open while she ate and I wanted it shut. I won, but it was a 45 minute fit so violent a stranger asked if I was OK. Picture sweat, drool, tears, food throwing, sandwich smashing, screaming, kicking, stomping, rage.

And then you look at this little mug and wonder if it's possible, right? I want a shirt that says "It's not my fault." At some point I'll take some ownership of her fits, but we're still not to the 4 month mark yet, so I can still blame for a while longer.

Tate was asleep on a pool-side lounge chair, but they all had a blast playing in the pool that weekend. They swam from 10am - 5 pm on Saturday. Oh, and I have the nerve to wonder why Willow had that lunch-time tantrum...

Not only did Lily cook her own dinner, she completely set up the sleeping mats and bags and pillows in our tent when we first arrived. As soon as I had the tent up, Lily begged to "organize" the inside. She pried each mat and bag out of it's tight-fitting bag, matched up the correct bag and pillow for each of the 3 of us, and came out dripping with sweat. Uncle and I asked her over and over: "Lily, don't you want to go swimming with Grace and Tate?" She had all the windows zipped up, so it was about 100 degrees inside the tent. That kid cracks me up.

June update

2009-06-20T14:40:00.013-05:00

We were the only family at the beach this day because it was so chilly. The girls mostly dug in the sand and got their toes wet. We've been back since (on a hot day) and they had a blast! Willow loves to splash in the water, chase after Lily, dig in the sand, and pull her giant noodle around in the water.

Willow has been MUCH better with Gram. One day this week when I dropped them off over there for summer school, Willow didn't cry at all - she danced around their house and laughed. When I left she waved out the window with a huge smile on her face. Wednesday my mom brought them out to Tom and Gail's and Willow stayed far away from Grammy most of the day. For some reason during the hay ride, she cuddled up and was more connected to her the rest of the day. How is it possible they keep having the same expression? Grammy can't even see Willow's face!

Willow was having a terrible time this night - she was tired and crabby out at yaya's house, but we couldn't leave 'til my dad and Ross had the car top carrier put on my car. So Willow walked around crying inconsolably. She wouldn't let me hold her, she wouldn't lay down and watch a movie - nothing sounded good to her. Then Jen grabbed her favorite book and Willow cuddled up with her and finally relaxed.

Willow went to the doctor yesterday for her 2 year well check. She was a rock star! When we walked in she greeted the receptionists with waves and smiles. Last time (three month ago) she had that heavy chip on her shoulder. They could not believe the difference three months has made in her. They brought both girls behind the counter again for stickers. Three months ago Blanca (holding Willow below) asked Willow about her shoes (in Spanish) and Willow took off her shoes, held them behind her back and shook her finger "no no no" at Blanca. This time Blanca did the same thing, but Willow didn't respond at all. I'm thinking she's already lost Spanish, which makes me sad. Willow was perfectly happy until we walked into the examining room. She must have remembered it because she took one look at that table and shook her finger and said "no no no". Everything the nurse wanted to check (ears, temp., etc.) made Willow cry. When the doctor came in, I asked if we could have Lily up on the table and let her do everything first. As soon as the doctor checked Lily's eyes, Willow was pointed to her own eyes and asking to be checked. Same with her heart, ears, etc.

We are very sad that we just had our last play session with Andrew. He's moving to Duluth for the summer and then to Seattle for the school year while his dad does a fellowship in Urology (did I say that right, Christy?). We met at a splash pad in Robinsdale for our last hurrah.

Summer's on

2009-06-09T19:38:00.009-05:00

Here's our favorite summer hang-out - The Lookout: We went to celebrate Grammy's birthday last week. It's the perfect place for adults to chat while the kids play. When Willow smooches her lips pucker up like a little platypus. Yaya's joining the platypus club:Beamer was here last weekend and spent the night (to avoid sleeping in a home made lean-to with Alex and Lyle for Alex's birthday). The girls adored her. Willow ran to her all weekend wrapping her arms around Beam's legs. Obviously Lily adores her too, but that's old news. In this picture Beam was trying to get Willow to count to 3. She'd go "ONE... how old are you?" and Willow would yell "TWOOOO!" then Lily'd shout "THREEEEE" and Beam would sort of drop them in her arms.

I'm celebrating the first day of summer vacation home alone! Grammy decided to try keeping Willow over-night during a week she gets to come home the next day, so she's not overwhelmed. For the next 2 weeks the girls will be with Grammy all day Mon-Thursday while I teach summer school. Willow gave me a big smooch goodbye today with no tears at all. I've only called 3 times to check on the situation - papa had to lay down with Willow during nap time and they both ended up falling asleep together. I hope bed time goes better - with adults in their own beds!

Here are some recent developments:

1. Lily moved back into her old room. It all started one night when Willow went "UGH" to Lily in the dark and Lily sobbed so hysterically I thought Willow was killing her in her sleep. I offered Lily to sleep on the floor in her old room in a sleeping bag and she took me up on the offer. I've offered before and she's always declined. Clearly the honeymoon is about over. She slept on the floor 2 nights in a row, but resisted my idea of moving her bed back. After 2 nights of smoother bedtimes, I managed to convince her to officially move. So now, it's been 6 nights in a row of perfect bedtime. Willow doesn't get out of bed or cry and Lily goes to sleep much faster. I've been "off the clock" by 8pm for almost a week straight. I'm glad I gave them those 3 months together - I think it helped Willow learn to go to bed alone and I think it helped Lily bond. They're both VERY happy to be in their own rooms though. The first afternoon Lily just layed on her bed, alone, looking around her room smiling at all her stuff for about a half an hour!

2. Willow has significantly fewer tantrums. She pitched one today in the Walgreens parking lot - threw herself on the the asphalt because I didn't understand whether or not she wanted to bring her sandwich into the store. The average is down to about 1 a day. It's much easier for me to stay calm when I only have to deal a few instead of the steady stream we had initially! I think she understands so much more, so she is less frustrated. She also understands me repeating things back to her and telling her "later".

3. Willow loves Elmo. He's the first character she notices and acknowledges. She cracks up at him on TV and says his name every time she brushes her teeth because he's on her toothbrush.

4. I still email Sandra and Veronica in Guatemala often. On Willow's birthday they sent about 7 email birthday cards with personalized notes from each family member. They miss her, but I believe that ache of lonliness is slowly easing.

5. I laugh at Willow every single day. She is silly and clever and happy. She belly laughs at the simplest things - balloons, tripping as she walks, Lily walking in the room, etc. She sings full volume in the car as we listen to Mama Mia or Wicked. No words, just belting out a bunch of racket to the tune of "Dancing Queen" among other tunes. She imitates every gesture, noise and facial expression she sees. Be very careful what you say around her!

6. If we keep feeling the relief of adjustment at the rate we have in the first 3 months, I can't imagine how great we're going to be doing at 6 months. Willow will always have a hot little temper and Lily will always be fragile - I will always have to work at patience and calm - but we "fit" together in a way that didn't happen immediately. We really do fit together. I wonder if that takes time for all families. Maybe it does.

UPDATE: Grammy just called to say that bedtime was a raving success over there in Brooklyn Center! Lily and Willow are on the floor in side by side sleeping bags in the sewing room. Everybody gave kisses and hugs and layed down quietly. No tears! Hello, summer vacation! This means while I'm teaching summer school and grammy's doing day care, an over-night or two is not out of the question. YEA!!!!!

End of the Year

2009-05-30T20:39:00.008-05:00

I know to most people December is the end of the year, but to a teacher the end of the year comes in May. We are ending this year with so much adjustment behind us I am incredibly relieved. I remember looking forward to this time (3 months after brining Willow home) before I even left to go get her. There is just something about the 3 month mark. I really think it's more about my own adjustment than hers, but either way: we have arrived. We are SO much more comfortable, calm and content. All three of us actually.

This week on Thursday my mom picked the girls up from day care for me because I had to work late. Willow screamed bloody murder and tried to cling on to Diane's shirt as grammy pulled her away. It sounds like an awful scene. She screamed all the way to the car and while grammy buckled her in. By the time they drove to the end of the block Willow was done screaming and was puckered up in the rearview mirror wanting a kiss from Gram. She stopped the car, got out, and opened the back door to smooch on that kid. That's true devotion! They went to our house, had dinner and then met me at Lily's last gymnastics class. Willow stayed in grammy's arms even when I got there! She stayed with grammy for about 30 minutes and even walked back out to the car with her to get water. It was FAR more exciting to watch this unfold than Lily's last gymnastics.

And I gotta post a few of Liller's amazing stunts:

Memorial weekend

2009-05-27T06:42:00.018-05:00

We spent all day Saturday at Gail and Tom's farm in Becker.

Lily crossed the monkey bars all by herself for the first time:

Willow gave grammy a dandilion. They are making major progress, but it's still not what it should be. A friend told me that Willow's stress (according to adoption researchers) is comparable to the Iraq soldiers coming home after battle. These children suffer from PTSD, have anxiety they can't express, and suffer psychologically, physically, and socially for a very long time. Willow has done so well, I sort of thought she beat the odds that way, until Aunt Julanne suggested that her reaction toward Grammy might indicate that PTSD - similar to when a soldier hears a helicopter or car back fire and breaks into a cold sweat. Willow seems happy and confident and remarkably well adjusted, but when she sees grammy she screams and cries and clings to me. She stares at her hands, she hides her eyes, she nervously rubs her forhead/hair line with the back of her hand over and over. It makes sense - grammy was there when she suffered the only terror she's had in her life. She can't resent or fear me. I asked Julanne what they do to help these soldiers and all she could think of is that they give them a dog. We're not getting a dog. I'm thinking we'll just re-train her brain with enough positive experiences that she'll eventually connect grammy with fun and love and affection. She did give grammy this dandilion. She also kissed her through the fence posts of the horse arena this day!

Grace pulled Willow on this little cart. Willow's visited the farm 3 times and this was the first day she'd get this far away from me. She arrived with yaya because Jen had my girls that morning, and when they got out of the car, Willow looked at me and said "NO!" and stayed in yaya's arms! I went on a hay ride with Lily and Willow was perfectly happy to stay with her yaya.

We stopped at Gail and Tom's log cabin on the hayride. Lily was checking out the horse (and other animal) bones with her cousins McKenzie and McKayla:

More from the hayride:

We also stopped at the old school house and the girls found a frog. McKenzie "saved it's life" from the water bucket near the pump:

Doesn't Willow look comfortable on the farm?!

She doesn't like any of the animals, so this was major progress:

She loves Uncle Carl! He does whatever she tells him and he plays and plays with her:

And here is the true sign of a good day:

We got home at 11:30pm. Lily and Grace WANTED to take a middle-of-the-night bath. Willow went to bed filthy - I have never seen them dirtier!

On Sunday we celebrated Willow's birthday, which isn't actually until June 4th.

Her favorite gift was the box of Dots from yaya:

In case you wonder how I knew this was her favorite gift:

She wouldn't blow out the candles, but loved tasting the frosting:

She had a blast playing with the sidewalk paint from Jeff and Debbie.

Lily went home from the party with grammy and papa. She was so overtired from the day/night at Gail's farm that she couldn't stop crying. The height of her hysterics was when she asked if she could take the GIANT stuffed bunny (from Mrs. Vanderwarn) out to her sandbox and sobbed when I said "no". Seriously - she picked that fight with me, didn't she? She knew the answer. When grammy and papa got here for the party, she was crying because I wouldn't let her wear jeans (it was 80 degrees outside). She had a great time sleeping with grammy and papa and came home the next day much happier.

Willow is having fewer and fewer tantrums every day! When I look back on those first weeks, I am amazed at the progress we've all made. I still get incredibly frustrated with the tantrums and iron will, but it is totally manageable now. Very often, if I just repeat what it is I think she wants ("You want milk?" or "You want to eat?") and then tell her "Later we will ____" she's totally fine. It's like she just wants to be understood. And it isn't just Willow who's improved - I've learned how to parent her better and Lily's learned how to listen instead of constantly getting in her space. There are still days I feel guilty for losing my cool with either of them, but overall we've come a long, long way.

Now when I tell Willow something, particulary a warning (ie "If you get out of your bed, your baby is going bye bye") she says "TAY" for OK. It's the cutest thing in the world. She seems to have learned that when you just say "OK" this mom gets quieter and calmer. Lily learned this trick long ago, and I tried very hard to get Willow to say it right off (instead of trying to hit me every time I reprimanded her for some little thing). It took a while, but this little trick of hers is going to buy us all a lot of sanity.

When you say "How old are you, Willow?" she cheers "TWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!". It's cute. She does it for Lily and I endlessly, so I'm optimistic she'll do it for others when they ask. Me and my rose colored glasses...

When Lily spent the night at my parents' last weekend, Willow constantly said her name with her shoulders shrugged and her palms outstretched. She was always thinking about her sister and looking for her. At bedtime she goes "Lily bye bye" as she looked across at Lily's bed. Does that count as a tiny, little sentence? If we count that, she's said a couple other sentences: "Bye home" (every day as we pull out of the driveway), "LILYYYYYYYY... EAAAAAAT" (calling Lily to dinner), and "Hi, Lily" in the back seat where they sit about 6 inches apart.

Willow loves going to day care! She smiles when we pull in the driveway and talks to Diane (the day care provider) on her pretend cell phone almost every day. All I hear is "Di" mixed in with a bunch of unrecognizable words. She's had a couple timeouts for not following directions, but she does not hit there - which is a relief. When we were first home I was scared to death she'd bite other kids there. When I pick her up she's always happy to see me, but not hysterical like Lily was as a day care baby. Every once in a while she complains a little as I'm leaving her, but there are not even tears. I have no doubt it's about the same way I feel about getting up early and out the door every day. They eat healthy food, do crafts/projects almost every day, play games, go outside, learn to take turns and share and follow directions, and most importantly she learns that I will always come back. Next year Willow will be on her own there, as Lily will start Kindergarten and attend the school-based day care. I think Willow will do great, but it's been an incredible blessing to have these weeks to adjust with her sister there.

2009-05-12T06:38:00.009-05:00

I just have to post this photo so we're all clear that Willow is STILL covering her face when she doesn't want her picture taken. She's so stubborn it's a gift - to her, not me. The other day she wanted her PJs on at nap time, and I let her. The things I find myself giving into with her are embarrassing. She finally napped in her own bed last weekend, so PJs were no big deal to me. At the same time, I'd have never let Lily force me into changing her into PJs at nap time. With Willow, it's a small price to pay to get what I want! My mom makes these little dinosaur towels with her friend Gayle Secrist. They have little dino-scales down the back of the hood. http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7270438 to purchase - I can't resist a little plug for them. The towels are darling.

This is Willow - always silly and looking for a laugh:

First day of Day Care at Diane's: Willow sort of fake-cried for a minute and played happily the rest of the day. Each day of the first week she fake-cried less and less and by Thursday she didn't do it at all. Then Monday, after the first weekened, I was nervous again. She pointed to her mouth, like always, for a kiss and walked off hand-in-hand with Diane. She naps on a little mat on the floor, follows Diane around the house, and plays with the other kids. It's the weirdest thing! No fear, no grieving, no night terrors.... This is upside to her strength I refer to so often.

She's slowly learning to ride her "bike":

We went to Chuck E. on Saturday night with Tate. The saddest thing happened: Big kids told Lily and Tate to give them some tokens. They each handed over a few to 3 different kids while I was dealing with Willow. Lily came running to me with tears pouring down her face. I assured her we'd find the kids and get her tokens back, but we first we had to find Tate to be sure his tokens were safe. We found him shooting something at a game, and he had already given 3 bullies some tokens. He wasn't upset at all, but he did want his tokens back. As we were talking two kids came up and handed back the tokens. They must have been watching and didn't want to get in trouble. I could go on and on, but I'll resist.

Last night we walked the babies around the block before bed. Those babies are high-maintenance! Lots of stops for bottles, blankets, etc.

Back to work

2009-04-26T22:22:00.010-05:00

I told Lily we were going somewhere fun, but it was a surprise. Here's her face when she realized we were at Como Zoo:
And Willow's face at the same moment:Checking out the new baby (born this winter, named Willow):

They had fun smelling all the flowers in the conservatory. Seriously - they had fun. I didn't have to force them like I remember from my own childhood. Willow loves to give hugs at her discretion. If you ask for one, you will NOT get one. She started with Papa this day and kept moving around the room. Until she got to grammy - she STILL will not hug or talk to grammy!

It took my dad three set of training wheels and three bikes to find a combo that worked so Lily can ride her big-girl bike to the park while I ride my bike with Willow on the back. We are no where near getting rid of training wheels and I'm not pushing it. Thanks for the wheels dad!

Willow's babtism was this morning. Jen and Ross are her God parents. Pastor Bud did a beautiful job declaring God's purpose for Willow here in our family. Willow was happy and laughing most of the morning. Lily and I wore shirts from Guatemala. Willow wore a dress from Baby Gap - the irony!

Other random developments:
1. Willow cheers "HOME!" every time we pull in the driveway now. It's so cute that she knows and says that words. It's one of my own favorite words too.

2. I have taken Willow to two movies (Hannah Montana with Jen's family) and the new Earth one. She sits great eating her popcorn and eating M & Ms. She hollers "UH OH" if anyone, anywhere drops anything.

3. Jen's family, grammy and us King Chicas all saw the Paper Bag Princess at the Stages Theater this weekend. Again, Willow sat like a super-star. I am relieved to know we can do these sorts of things and she can enjoy them (and so can Lily and I).

4. Tonight we were with about 20 relatives at Aunt Jo and Uncle Rick's house. Willow ran around laughing, dancing, doing acrobats, throwing things at Uncle Dave and laughing, playing catch with lots of people, and acting completely confident and happy. It is amazing that after 7 weeks, she has come so far.

The girls will be spending the week with grammy as I go back to work. Lily is going to have a blast hanging out with one of her biggest fans. Willow and grammy have a lot of ground to cover. I wish I could peek into the future and read the next blog post to know how this goes for them.

Willow teaches me to listen

2009-04-20T20:50:00.003-05:00

This morning as we were eating breakfast, Willow pointed to the pantry/closet bi-fold door behind me. I assumed she wanted something (chips? chocolate?) to eat, so I told her "No, no. We'll eat this" and patted her dish of yogurt. She kept pointing, I kept interrupting and repeating in my rushed style all too familiar to most readers. She tapped my forearm with her finger, stopping me in my tracks to finally listen to her. Once she had my attention and I was STILL and focused, she pointed to the door again, and gestured sort of in front of herself, across sort of, with her hand/arm. She wanted me to shut the door. This is amazing for many reasons:
1. She is so patient with me and reminds me to be patient with her
2. She has many thoughts and ideas - most of them she can't communicate yet. I'm sure these incidents happen countless times each day and she lets them go unnoticed, unless it's tantrum-worthy. This might explain some of her tantrums: They might seem to be over nothing, but might be the 100th nothing for her that day and it pushes her over the edge
3. I have GOT to quit rushing!
4. She's a neat-freak just like Lily
5. She's brilliant at figuring out creative ways to get her point across. Lily and I are learning that skill too.

I am reminded today of all Willow is teaching us and not just what we are teaching her!

Easter Week

2009-04-15T22:24:00.014-05:00

I let the girls have their chocolate bunnies for breakfast Easter morning. Willow ate the entire thing. Lily ate the ears and put the rest in a baggie for later (hers is still in the pantry).

That thoughtful bunny put balloons in Willow's basket.Shani gave them matching dresses, and Lily was so excited she wanted to wear them for Easter. She loves matching her sister - I wonder how long that will last!We had Easter dinner at my parents' house with my sister's family (hi Grace!), Jeff and Debbie, uncle Bob, and grandma King.

My staff/friends at church had a shower for Willow (and Lily) last night. The girls were both showered with gifts and blessings! We all got these adorable matching aprons from Kathy Williams and Lily put hers on before the sun was entirely up to cook us eggs this morning.

On the way to the shower she said "Mom? I might not like their shower as much as ours." I said "What are you talking about?" She goes "Am I going to have to stand up in their shower?" She thought we were taking showers at the gal's house! I can't believe she just climbed into the car willingly - no questions asked - thinking we were taking showers.

As we were leaving the shower I noticed Lily had a gallon size ziplock bag, and was filling it with potato chips from the table. I gasped and stopped her - "We do NOT take food home with us". I asked the hostess if Lily had asked her for those chips (hoping fiercly that the answer would be "No. I asked her to take them home"). She said "No. She asked me for a bag". I was mortified. Lily asked her for a bag to fill with chips to take home with us! As soon as I started scolding, Lily started crying, then Barb was smoothing things over and I was trying to undo the shaming I'd started, etc. etc. I know this is a conversation we should have in private, but I wanted the people at the shower to know I didn't ENDORSE this, and I truly wanted to drive home the point that this is definitely not good manners. On the way home I apologized for embarrassing her and admitted it was partly my fault because I hadn't ever taught her that it's not good manners to ask for bags of food to take home (except at grammy's house). Lily was fine with all of it and added "My foster mother never taught me anything about manners, mom." She has been "remembering" a LOT about her foster mother lately (ever since Willow's foster mother has been mentioned on a daily basis). Those poor foster mothers are getting blamed for a lot of bad behavior in my house.

I will go back to work on April 27th. My mom will watch the girls that first week to ease the transition of me being gone, then they'll go to day care together for the last 5 weeks of my school year. Last week we all went to the day care home for an hour together and Willow didn't go far away from me. Today I dropped them off for a couple hours without me and Willow did GREAT! She cried at first, but only for about 10 minutes. Then she'd look at the door once in a while and holler "MOM!", but no more tears over it. I did about a million errands in those 2 hours and couldn't wait to see her. Lily stayed for the rest of the afternoon because she missed her friends.

It's finally warm enough to hang out at the park without coats and mittens!

This face just melts me:

Willow loves to hear me say words to her. We spend most of every meal saying the name of the food she's pointing to over and over again. She says "MOM!" like a big kid now - until yesterday it was "mmmmmma" or "mama". It's really cute! She said "kee" for kleenex today (I knew what she wanted because of where her finger was when she said it). She says "All done" after she's done eating or drinking or playing or in the tub. She says "wa wa" for milk and water. I'm praying every day she keeps adding a couple words to her vocabulary. There will much less stress when we can completely understand each other.

She was chatting on her play cell phone this afternoon and handed it to me to play along. I pretended to talk to grammy. She still won't interact with grammy at ALL, so I was laying it on thick with "I love you grammy. Thank you grammy. You love Willow too, Grammy? OK - you can talk to Willow..." When I handed Willow the phone she shook her finger at me and said "No! NO! NO!" She refused to pretend to talk to grammy on a play phone. This could be because I've had to leave her 3 times (for church choir rehearsals and the movie with Lily) and each time Grammy's been with her). Or it could be because of the memories of Guatemala. Or it could be because Willow knows this drives us all CRAZY and she is stubborn enough to just keep doing it.

Tomorrow we're going to Como Zoo to see the baby giraffe named Willow. Lily doesn't know where we're going - it's a surprise. Shhhhh!

Spring is here

2009-04-10T22:18:00.021-05:00

We had a bunch of outings this week. The first couple were rough for Willow because she had so many tantrums. Today and yesterday she was great on our outings, which leads me to believe she just had to figure out the same rules apply as at home. One day we went to the Mall of America and she had about 5 major melt downs. One was because her ice cream was too frozen and she couldn't get big bites with her spoon - she cried the whole time she ate it, refused to let me help her, and ended up throwing her cup of ice cream on the floor (then SCREAMED that it was gone). She had another tantrum when I wouldn't carry her - that was in Barnes and Noble. She screamed and layed on the floor several times. I kept patting the stroller and holding out my hand saying "sit or walk, Willow". People would stop and try to cheer her up and she'd make that killer face and shake her finger at them. She knows at home if she throws food she gets down from the table, but this was a new setting so it seems like she had to test the rules. We went to the zoo yesterday and she never once tried to get me to carry her -she either walked holding my hand or sat happily in the stroller.

We spent Wednesday afternoon/evening at Gail and Tom's farm. Lily has spent so many days here with grammy, that she knew exactly what to do all over the property. She walked up to this rusty, mysterious apparatus and started shoving corn cobs into it (the corn cobs she gathered up off the floor of the chicken coop). I was just staring with my mouth open. Then she cranked the handle and all the corn fell off into the bucket she placed beneath:Then she showed Willow how to pour the corn into this contraption to grind the corn into meal to feed the... I can't remember what animal she was going to feed this actually. Willow mostly wanted me to hold her around all the chickens and other animals. She did crack up every time she heard an animal talk. These buffalo take my breath away, but Lily just hauls around these huge buckets of corn and tosses it over the fence like it's nothing. Willow got inspired, just once, to get off my lap to feed the buffalo like her big sister:

Yup. Gail just picked her up and handed her corn. It lasted for about 1 minute before Willow started hollering and reaching for me. YEA Gail!

We went to the zoo yesterday with yaya, grammy, Grace and Tate. Willow didn't have one melt down! She was happy and fun all day long. She let Grace hold her hand the whole way back to the car and she cracked up every time Tate did one of his hilarious stunts. During the bird show she got scared of an owl and he started doing the robotic dance - Willow cracked up. He'd hit himself in the head and she'd laugh. He'd pretend to fall down and she'd laugh. Etc. etc.

Grace and Willow (yaya got this picture):

This morning we went to the Nature Center for an Easter party. Lily was excited to show Willow the frogs and turtles and snakes:

Then a giant rabbit lead the egg hunt through the woods. The kids were supposed to LOOK for eggs hidden in the woods, but not touch. Lily ran with the bigger kids and Willow had a blast pointing to the bright, plastic eggs she spotted as we walked. At the very end of the hike, the kids were allowed to find two plastic eggs:

Then they exchanged these eggs with the giant rabbit for eggs with treats in them:

Then we colored our hard-boiled eggs in dyes made with natural pigments (berries, spices and herbs):

Willow was upset about a couple things. 1. She didn't enjoy the shirt she had to wear over her clothes for the dying. 2. She didn't want to dye any eggs (here she's shaking her finger at me for offering her an egg). I ended up just taking her shirt off and handing her a plain, white egg. She never did have a tantrum though - PROGRESS!

She loved her plain, white egg:

After the eggs were dyed, they got to color them:

Lily spent about 20 minutes petting the real bunnies. Willow loved watching Lily pet the bunnies, but didn't ever get close enough to touch them herself.

They each got to decorate a little cup and plant some grass seed to take home to grow:

And Willow loved digging in the sand table:

Tomorrow Lily's spending the day with Grace and Tate and Grammy. Willow and I will get some alone time. It's a treat for all of us! Thanks, grammy.

Willow is doing much more communicating with us. Tonight she patted Lily's bed and said "night night", so Lily climbed in and let Willow tuck her in. Then Willow puckered up and pointed to her mouth so Lily would give her a kiss goodnight. It was so cute because there was a LOT of exchange going on that she can only do because she's been with us long enough to know that routine. Willow has also started narking on her sister, which is awesome because she knows I'll protect her just like I protect Lily. She comes in the room hollering "La La" at me (that's how she pronounces Lily) and points to whatever part of her body Lily injured. I go in and tell Lily "Be nice to Willow, Lily!" just like I tell Willow every time she clobbers Lily. My favorite part of the whole thing is that Willow is learning how to communicate with us.

Happy Easter, everybody!

Horton Hears A Who

2009-03-31T18:27:00.011-05:00

We've been reading Horton Hears a Who. When Lily found Willow playing with the rocks from my water bubbler, Lily started bringing them near the stairs to make little nests of "eggs". Willow follows and imitates whatever Lily does:Sit very carefully because it's not comfortable:

Then they started bringing the rocks back where they started from as quickly as possible:Whoever grabs the most, the fastest WINS:All done with mine!

And then it would start over from the beginning. This went on for about an hour while I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. This is why, in many ways, it's easier have two kids than one. When Lily was Willow's age, she'd be under my feet while I cleaned up the kitchen (usually crying for me to hold her). And for as difficult as Willow's personality can be, the advantage to her strength is that she's always entertaining herself with games and toys. As I type she's cramming as much stuff as possible into the little toy microwave Lily got from Beamer for Christmas. This could go on for a very long time!

Here are some major accomplishments of the week:

Willow's foster family sent a toothbrush with her (a cute little Barbie one for toddlers). From day one she loved playing with the toothbrush while I brushed Lily's teeth, but she never wanted to let me brush them for her. I didn't push issue until last weekend when I felt like we were ready for another challenge. She screamed bloody murder, despite the fact that she'd seen me brush Lily's teeth before I handed the toothbrush over to Lily for over 2 weeks. I held her arms down for about 4 mornings/nights in a row brushing her teeth while she screamed and then handed her the toothbrush. The first time, she held it behind her back and shook her finger at me saying "NO! NO! NO!" Then she threw the toothbrush - she was too mad to enjoy it. The second time she brushed her own teeth after I was done. Last night, are you ready for this? She stood on her stool and opened her mouth for me! Quietly. When I was done, I handed the tooth brush and she was totally fine - like this is how it's always been or something. This morning I held my breath wondering if last night was just a one-time thing... she opened that yap quietly again and let me brush again!

Willow's gone to bed happily every night for a week. She lays back and touches one cheek (for a kiss),then the other cheek, then her mouth. I kiss her as instructed (and more!) and then she sleeps through the night. For a week straight. I keep hoping this lasts, but I'm still not taking it for granted. I emailed Sandra about her pointing to her cheeks for kisses because I didn't teach her that, so I knew they had. Sandra said that is only how Veronica kissed her, but that was their ritual every night at bed time. It's interesting that Willow only started doing this two nights ago. Sweet.

In the middle of this blog update I went up to give Willow her bath, which you may remember is not fun for any of us. Lily usually hides in my shower because she wants to be near us, but can't stand the sound of Willow screaming. Tonight - Willow finally didn't cry when I layed her down in the water. And when her hair and bod were clean, she actually reached for a toy! After a few mintues, Lily peeked out of the shower to see what was happening and ended up playing in the tub with her sister for about half an hour.

She stayed in long enough for her hands and feet to pucker:

Willow went to the doctor yesterday and had three shots, the TB skin test thing, and a blood draw. She's in the 6th percentile for height and 24th for weight. The doctor encouraged me to start giving Willow the gummy vitamins Lily gets (I thought Willow had too few molars for this) and to stop giving her milk in her bottle before bed. I was going to procrastinate that switch considering everything else Willow has lost in such a short time, but tonight I filled it up with water and told her what I was doing. I was just going to try it and if she hated the switch I'd reconsider. She watched me fill it and warm it up (ewww) and she didn't complain at all. We lay in her bed reading stories while she drinks her bottle and tonight was no different - except that she was drinking water. When we read Good Night Moon she can point to the moon, the stars, the bunny, mouse, kittens, and lady saying "hush". She's learned so very much in SUCH a short time. She can also point to her eye, nose, heart and button when I ask. I'm amazed.

This afternoon she went looking for Lily and when Lily came in the kitchen after hearing Willow call for her, Willow stuck that pointer finger in Lily's belly, grinning ear to ear at me, and then wrapped her arms around Lily in a big bear hug. Lily goes "Mom! That was our first hug!"

Happy Days are Here Again

2009-03-26T15:35:00.011-05:00

Sandra calls us the Three King Chicas in her emails. They miss Pili terribly. They haven't unpacked her trunk of toys. Sandra saved one of the photos I sent on her cell phone and kisses it every night and says a prayer that Pili is the daughter I hoped for all those 2 years of waiting. She is! This picture took my mom about 30 minutes to get - she was prowling all through the house trying to sneak up on Willow and getting the picture before Willow covered her face. Willow had a few sad days - and Monday was the worst. She cried from the time she woke up from her nap 'til bed time. I'm wondering if she dreamed of Sandra and Veronica. Lily and I played 3 rounds of Candy Land, offering Willow game pieces and cards and she just cried on my lap the entire time. Lily had swimming lessons that day, and Willow sat listlessly on my lap with her head on my shoulder. Then I blew up balloons before bed because that is Willow's very favorite thing, but she just sat on my lap while Lily ran around the room volleying balloons back and forth to me. She bit Lily on the hand on Sunday, which put me at an all-time LOW. Lily was sitting on my lap and Willow didn't like it so she tried to get her face cheek to cheek with me, which Lily didn't like. Lily put her hand in between Willow's cheek and mine and Willow bit her hard. I told her "NO!" and held Lily, kissing her owie and ignoring Willow for about 3 minutes. I have taught Lily how to push Willow away and yell "SHE'S BITING ME!" if it happens again. This time it was right in my face, but next to my face, and I didn't know it was happening.

Lily hides behind the curtains and Willow loves to try to find her. They both squeel and shriek every time. These are the sounds I'd been waiting to hear! (Notice Lila's doll feet on Lily's lap).

Tuesday Willow woke up happy, after sleeping all night and going to bed without crying a single tear. We went to visit my aunt and uncle Jo and Rick and Willow was happy the entire visit. She had a nap that afternoon (on me per the terms of the agreement we have mutually struck), and was happy that evening too.

Wednesday my parents came to babysit Willow so Lily and I could go to a movie - just the "big girls". We had popcorn and M&Ms for dinner and Lily was in heaven watching Hotel for Dogs at the cheap theater. Willow was not in heaven. She screamed for one hour, slept on my mom for one hour, and then we were home. I thought we might experience a 1-2 day set-back after leaving her, but not at all! She was off my lap in about 15 minutes running through the house chasing Lily and being tickeled by grammy and papa. I'm hoping what she learned is that I will always come back. She'll have to be babysat again this Sunday while I direct choir at church, and I'm hoping it goes a little better.

I haven't gotten this lucky for a while. Now, almost every time I try to sneak out from under Ms. Willow she busts me. Some days it's like heaven being forced to lie around for 2 hours. Other days it's like torture. Don't they look sweet?!

The honeymoon is over

2009-03-21T20:48:00.016-05:00

Willow let grammy comfort her the other day. I think she was just sad in general - nothing major had triggered it (well, if you call all that's happening to her minor - WHAT am I saying?!). Grammy was so happy to be able to comfort her.

Poor baby.

We went in to meet my class on Thursday this week. Lily and Willow each received a great big bunny from the class and Mrs. Vanderwarn (thank you Mrs. Vanderwarn!) and Lily got to sit up front and answer questions about her new sister. It was fun to spend time with my class, after they've been part of our waiting for Willow all year.

Willow started this annoying trick of covering her face everytime someone wants to take her/our picture. Seriously - this is SO annoying. She doesn't do it for me, but anytime I'm in the picture means someone else is holding the camera, which means she covers her face. Will there EVER be a picture of the three of us without Willow covering her face?

Lily answering questions:

Questions included: "Does she hit?" "Does she really throw her food?" "Do you like having a sister?" "What's your favorite color?" "What's your 2nd favorite color?" and "What's your 3rd favorite color?"

I wonder if Willow was so easy initially because she wasn't safe enough yet to really let the grieving rip. For the last several days she will not leave my side, except to follow Lily around on a very limited basis. She's eating great, largely because I put her bottle in her bed and told her she could have it any time she wanted, but only in bed. I give it to her before nap and bedtime, but other than that she doesn't have it. She ate normal sized meals at breakfast, lunch and dinner tonight. She's sleeping more at night - not waking up and hollering for me to return to her bed - because I started putting her to bed on her own. It takes about an hour of her complaining, but once she's asleep she stays asleep (knock on wood - WHY am I jinxing this at 9pm?!). She will not nap without me, so we're still negotiating that. She cried tonight from about 5:30 'til bedtime. I held her in the rocking chair reading books for about a half hour, which put her in a little trance - that was her only break from sobbing. She was full from dinner, her diaper was dry, and no one was bothering her. This must be grieving. She's sleeping better and eating more, but the methods are very different from her former routines. I feel like I must do what I can to regulate her eating and sleeping, but it comes at a cost - adding more change to her life at once. I know there are some who would argue that I should make those changes later, but I just believe it's going to be worth it when we get this time behind us once and for all instead of stretching out the trauma.

And her annoying new thing again:

We went to the park today and Willow wouldn't leave my side - the same kid who boldly played in the pool in Guatemala. Doesn't that seem like a symptom of delayed grief? She is like a completely different kid from a week ago. Well, she still hollers and points at anyone who tries to talk to her. Today she yelled at a dog (a DOG) who sniffed Lily's bag of side walk chalk as it walked past with its owner. After her "nap" we played in the driveway, and she clung to the side of my chair while Lily biked and played, danced, and twirled.

Olivia Newton John, I mean, LILY is wearing her new Guatemala shirt today. She's my rock. As Willow is clinging to me, crying, throwing temper tantrums, refusing to nap without me, and being generally disagreeable, I just try to focus on Lily as a reminder that this grieving is a process and we will all recover. Lily just sang and danced and hopped around all day today. She said her new shirt made her happy. Lily was much more sad and even more clingy when I brought her home from China. She is proof that everything will be fine in the end. If it's not fine - it's not the end.

Lily and I just keep telling Willow "Esta Bien" (It's OK) and Te Quiero (I love you). Lily has still never once lost her patience with her. Not once. Lily's been a little weepy once or twice a day, in situations that normally wouldn't bring her to tears, but I expected major melt downs. Today she reminded me about 10 times to tell Willow "Bravo" like her foster family did when she did something well.

One Week with Willow

2009-03-16T20:34:00.010-05:00

Today was such a fun day! We all stayed in our PJs 'til noon, Lily lost some of her patience with Willow (which is probably healthier than not), and Willow didn't have any of those sobbing episodes at all. She hardly fussed at all at nap and bed time. Her new routine is to fall asleep laying her head on me, which makes sneaking out difficult, but here's the thing about Willow - everything about her is all or nothing. She's either wide awake or sound asleep. The minute her eyes are shut, she's so sound asleep I can boldly get out from under her head and leave her bed/room without her noticing.

She played in this chair for a long, long time this morning. She'd hold her baby in it, play with those stacking cups in it, wave to me and then say "a ba" (which I think is her version of "peek a boo").Notice the American Girl doll from Grammy and the outfit Yaya let Lily pick out last week:Yaya brought us all this food last night. A week's worth of groceries and a menu planned to include all the food they brought. As you can see, we'll be having home made pizza, melted turkey and swiss sammies, parmesan chicken with rice (had that tonight and it was awesome), mac and cheese for lunches, lasagna left over from the dinner she brought us last night, pasta and sauce, grilled cheese sammies, soups, and lots of fruit and veggies. Willow only ate apples, grapes, and yogurt for dinner. Before bed she had two clementines and it was as big a disaster as ever - she needs a bath afterward, which is another story. Seriously - no pictures, but...
Willow hates the bath. You may remember reading that I didn't give her a bath in Guatemala because she started screaming every time I ran the bath water. She loved swimming and she loves playing in the bathroom sink and brushing her teeth. Sandra says she had a bath every morning in Guatemala. I was optimistic that when she saw Lily in the tub, that'd be all she needed. Well, the first night back Lily layed it on thick - having a party in the tub. It got Willow in, but she screamed the minute her feet hit the water and screamed the entire 90 seconds it took me to wash her hair. So last night I tried the same thing, thinking she'd been here 2 more days (??!!!) and it might go better. However, she would not even get to the point like the other night where she WANTED to get in the tub. So I got my swimming suit on and climbed in the tub with Lily. Can I just say that again? I got on my swimming suit and climbed in the tub with Lily. Willow finally reached for me to get in the tub with us, basically because I raised the stakes and quit handing her the toys she wanted to throw at us until she agreed to sit on my lap (explained with lots of gestures and patting my lap). She SCREAMED bloody murder once I was holding her. She sat on my lap in warm water, I washed her hair in, I'm sure, less than 90 seconds, and she had the nerve to scream. I quickly got her out, and said to her screaming face "Willow. This is not scary. This is fun. Your mom is in the bath tub with your sister and you are screaming. You are screaming about a bath." Lily, without looking up at me, said "Mom, you sound mean." I wasn't yelling. I wasn't even really sounding that sassy, I was more humiliated for trying this hard I think. I said "What Lily?" She goes "Your words sound mean." This time she looked me right in the eye. She's right. It wasn't the tone or the sarcasm. It was the words. To Willow it was scary and I was ignoring that. My Lily.

Back to today. We went to the library. Lily loves to play on the "pooter" (computer) and Willow loved the board books and the bead maze thing. I sent her Good Night Moon in Spanish when she was in Guatemala. I wonder if she'd read it a lot and gravitated toward it today because of that. They sent about 5 books home with us, so I know they read to her often. After the library we went to the park and both girls had a blast. Willow would holler for Lily whenever she got far away from us. She says her name by moving her tongue over the front of her teeth making an "L" sound full volume. Lily didn't have the courage to go down slides 'til she about 3 years old - that is not an exaggeration. Willow climbs up the stairs by herself and shoves my hand away if I try to help. Then she flies down the slide full speed, laughing all the way. She pats the bench to show me where to sit to watch. Lily spent most of the park time playing with the big kids, which I was happy about. She is so devoted to her sister I worry that I messed her up with all my prep-talk about being patient and not being mean to Willow no matter what she does, etc. So seeing Lily find her own friends today and letting me deal with Willow was a relief. She did find us at the end of our time there and went down the slide a couple times with her sister. At dinner Willow was hollering and pointing at Lily every time she talked. She does this often, but mostly she has fun playing with Lily. She doesn't like it when Lily and I are talking to each other too much or hugging each other. Well, I decided Willow's adjusted enough for me to turn on my stern voice and so I sternly said "Willow, be NICE to Lily." I didn't yell at all, but it was very serious. I wanted to shock her a little - and she is difficult to shock. Willow just gave me a mean look and went back to her apple. Lily said "Mom, remember? We have to say 'Be nice Willow. King girls talk nice to each other'" all sing songy. Again, my Lily. I was totally humbled and convicted. I forgot. That's how we teach Willow to be nice - by being nice. Not by shocking her. Thank you, Lily.

After dinner we went for a walk. Lily rode her bike, and Willow tried to keep up. We had to go back to the house at least 5 times. Willow will not wear a diaper after it had even a tablespoon of potty in it. Every single time she wets even the tiniest bit she's patting her butt hollering at me to change her! I'm switching to the cheapest diapers I can find and praying this means she'll be ready for potty training early. At one point I foolishly thought I could get her to forget about her bottom, and she pulled her pants and diaper down right in the middle of the side walk. That's when we made one trip home. Mommy surrendered when the neighbors had to suffer with my power struggle. Another time Willow refused to let me help her get off her little bike (the kind with no pedals) and she fell flat on her back in a big, sloppy MUD puddle. She screamed at the mess like she'd been beaten. I mean SCREAMED. Again, I wanted to lay on the sarcasm - you refuse my help and then are shocked when you wipe out? And now you're mad at me about it?!

Willow is brave and silly and fun. The upside of her strong spirit is that she is generally happy and confident and extremely affectionate. She hugs me with this squeeze around my neck that I can't even describe. She puckers up asking for kisses many times each day. She mimics every thing Lily does and loves to follow Lily around the house. Her belly laugh is as fierce as her temper. I am totally head over heels for this little thing!

Home!

2009-03-14T21:08:00.011-05:00

Our flights were uneventful, fast, and pretty easy. I was so happy to see Grace and Tate at the airport, and finally seeing Lily was AWESOME. Pastor Bud and Elaine were there to welcome Willow just like when I brought Lily home from China. Jen and Shani got pictures - and I'm so glad because I was too overwhelmed to think about getting my camera out. Willow screamed the last 15 minutes of our flight because her ears hurt, so she was not happy at the airport at all. We had pizza at my parents' with my sister's family and she sprung back to her normal, spunky self. She played and laughed and ran around with Grace and Tate and Lily even when the kids were alone down stairs. She absolutely loves to play with other kids. At bedtime, I layed with Willow 'til she fell asleep. Then she slept 'til 4 am, and then woke up hollering - not terrified, just wanting me in there. I layed with her again and she was back to sleep right away. Her sister is the one who kept me up after that - telling me about life while I was gone, telling me how much she loves Willow, and other things unimportant at 4am. Willow slept 'til 8:30 this morning.

At breakfast I gave her oatmeal, which she wouldn't eat, and a clementine. As you can see, Lily had to cover her eyes while Willow ate the clementine - it was dripping down her arm, into her sleeve, and down the front of her PJs. I am frustrated with her eating because she's just not eating much. I keep offering her things, but she shakes her head no at just about everything. She ate a banana last night before bed and for lunch she ate deli ham and lots of grapes. And bread. I will be so relieved when that bread from Guat. is gone and we have to find new things! Or maybe it will get ugly around here when that bread is gone and I'll be finding some way to courrier a shipment to our door.

They both love coloring - they did this for a long time this morningAt first Willow tried to eat the playdough, which is totally understandable considering we use plastic forks and knives to play with it. But when I told her "no no. icky" she looked right at me and put in her mouth again. I took it away from her for a minute and then gave it back - she didn't cry or complain at all. Then I gave it back to her and said the same thing "No No icky" and she never put it in her mouth again. They had a BLAST playing with playdough - they must have sat there for an hour with little baggies, bowls, and plastic silverware. I took this picture at the very beginning, but the end, there was playdough all over the table, all over the floor and all over Willow.
The walk seemed like a good idea until the way home. At first Willow was laughing and talking and pointing. She loved her stroller rides in Guatemala. After 45 minutes she was completely done, wanted me to hold her, and screamed the entire way back. Lily never complains when Willow screams. She just plugs her ears and offers explanations of why Willow could be mad: could be cold, could want me to hold her, could be scared of the snow, could be anything. When we got home she was instantly perfectly happy. My aunt and uncle (Jeff and Debbie) and Grandma King stopped over and Willow was happy the whole time there were here.
Finally she's in her own bed. She's not crazy about it, but I just lay with her 'til she's asleep and go back when she wakes up.

Lily adores her sister. This morning she was trying to get Willow to follow her - constantly. "Come here, Willow." "Look at this, Willow" "Want to play with this Willow?" on and on and on. Willow did pretty good with it, considering her personality. By afternoon, Lily was just running around doing her own thing, and Willow followed her everywhere. She copies everything Lily does - when Lily coughs, Willow pretends to cough. When Lily crawls across the livingroom, Willow does the same.

Today Lily whispered to me that Willow doesn't like it when I hug Lily. I whispered back that Willow doesn't know I am Lily's mom too. Lily said "Maybe we should just hug when Willow isn't looking." She was like that all day today - constantly trying to help Willow. At the airport she layed on the floor to show her how they're going to lay in their beds at night. When I told Lily we could do anything she wanted today (at home) she said "I think we should go to Cost Co and buy a rocking chair so you can rock Willow. That might make her happy." I didn't know Cost Co sold rocking chairs, but that's beside the point I guess. At bath time last night, Lily acted like that bath was the happiest place on earth to try to get Willow to not be scared - I hadn't giving Willow a bath yet because every time I ran the water she screamed in genuine terror and I just couldn't force it. Lily poured water from one bowl to another, laughing and acting like this is what she always does. It worked. Pretty soon Willow was handing her things and throwing toys in the water and then she wanted to step in. She hated it as soon as she was in there, but I quick washed her hair before I got her out.

When Willow was sad tonight at bedtime, she reached for me for the first time in her sadness. She's never pushed me away, but tonight she held out those little open arms for comfort. She also puckered up asking for a kiss. It was the sweetest thing in the world. Bedtime drug out for an hour because she cried so long. I don't know if she's used to falling asleep to the TV or what - but at the hotel she went to bed great and fell asleep fast. The two nights here have been long and miserable even with me laying next to her. And Lily : Lily just lays in her bed quietly waiting for it all to end so I can lay with her. Last night she fell asleep before I got to lay with her, so tonight we started earlier and had time for big girl stuff (a card game and chocolate).

It is all SO much easier than I'd feared! I imagined myself sitting in the middle of the living room having a nervous breakdown while the girls ripped the house apart and fought. Instead we all had a mellow day - they played, I got unpacked and laundry done, and we even got our teeth brushed! I was worried that Lily would be sad and jealous and she's not at all - at least she's not acting like it if she is. Instead it's Willow who doesn't like me giving Lily attention. Sandra emailed me about that this morning warning that Willow might bite Lily - that she'd done that when kids hugged Veronica. I don't see any sign of that kind of rage right now.

At one point tonight both girls had a snack and Willow started to walk out of the kitchen with it. I said "No No Willow. Stay in the kitchen." and led her back. When she was done eating, she stood at the edge of the carpet and looked at me, waiting for permission. She didn't understand the whole thing, but she obviously understood something and was willing to follow my directions without screaming or crying.

Thursday is a happier day

2009-03-12T21:15:00.018-05:00

Willow woke up happy - smiling, laughing, and being silly. We went to the baby room and played for a while until it was warm enough to put our suits on and head to the pool.

She seriously eats this bread constantly. Fortunately she ate lots of other things today too, but this bread is such a hit I stocked up at the bakery around the corner to have at home the first couple weeks. It's super soft and chewy and tastes like sour dough bread.Sandra and Veronica told me that Willow is terrified of airplanes, which terrified me! Our hotel is VERY close to the airport, so the planes fly over us real low and loud. The first couple times we heard a plane fly overhead, she buried her face in my neck. After a couple times I started cheering when the planes flew over: "Bravo! Hola, airplane!" Now this is what Willow does when she hears a plane - she always hears them before I do. She was happy and cuddly at the pool. She didn't want grammy talking to her yet - every time she tried, Willow would holler/grunt with a mean look on her face. But this is what I get all the time now:A couple times today she even made a kissing noise, with her lips all puckered up and crossed the room to offer me a kiss! Sandra emailed me after I'd updated her about Willow being sad yesterday and only having her bottle, but no food. She suggested I get her an orange because she loves oranges. Voila - Willow eats:I loved this restaurant (Tacontento) so much, we ate here again tonight. And Willow ate this time! When we brought her here on Tuesday she only ate that bread and drank her water.Willow finally started warming up to grammy tonight. Grammy didn't order dinner and it drove Willow crazy - hollering, throwing chips her way, and handing her kernals of rice. It's just plain white rice and she loved it. They didn't have a spoon for her, so she used the fork. She did really well, but she lost her patience. This worked only this one time - she didn't really like this method either. And - mommy gets to feed her! Not only did I touch the food on her plate, I picked it up and fed it to her. She shook her head no a couple times, but finally wanted the rice so bad she let me do it. She also ate the rest of her orange from earlier, and some chips. To clarify the rumor about NEVER TOUCHING HER FOOD OR SHE'LL THROW IT ALL ON THE FLOOR: It's not true! What she hates is if you ask her something, she says "no" and then you do it anyway. That's when throwing gets involved. Here's another example of this - today I wanted her to lay down with me on the bed to take a nap. She refused and would only sit on the bed. I kept patting her pillow, she kept shaking her head "no". She finally fell asleep sitting up, head bobbing, body tipping, and she still refused to lay down. It's like she got it in her head she didn't want to and had argued it with me, so she was NOT backing down at any cost. I had to wait 'til she was really sound asleep and gently lay her on the pillow without waking her. If she woke even just partly, she'd holler and shake her head at me. Mom and I laughed later because she won that dang battle. She did lay down, but not 'til she was so sound asleep she didn't know. Did I mention she likes to clean? We stopped at a coffee shop on the way back and had cake and coffee for dessert. Willow had a couple bites of cake and then scrubbed the table, chairs, and stool with the wipe I'd used for her hands. She went through 2 wipes and brought them right over to the trash can. How can this happen that I have to two girls who love to clean? She also notices when things are out of place. When I was packing up our stuff for the pool, she went to her pile of toys in the hotel room and found a stacking cup in the wrong bag that I hadn't packed up with the pool stuff and handed it to me to add to the stacking cups I had packed. I think I might get to sit on the couch and let Lily and Willow rule our world.

We're on our way. Our flight leaves tomorrow at 6 am and we'll land in Minneapolis at 4:20 after a short stop in Houston to process the immigration stuff. I can not wait to get both my girls home!

Lily got to go to Build A Bear with Yaya today. They had lunch at Ruby Tuesday's, and picked out an outfit for Willow's American Girl baby too. Tonight they got to swim at the Y and Tate is so happy with this arrangment (having Lily there so much) he cried yesterday when he got home from school and she wasn't there. She might want to move in for a while when she meets this little sister of hers! Yaya and grandpa have made my being gone a PARTY for Lily and I am so thankful.
And I guess Liller got to shovel with papa the other day. Yaya says she was mortified at what she had to wear, but it was all they had that would fit her because they hadn't planned ahead and packed up stuff from our house (to bring to yaya's) for being outside. I miss Lily, but not as much I was afraid I would. I think it helps knowing that they are having such fun times and making this special for her too. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about having papa sleep in her room and how yaya runs things. Lily is always organized and planning and questioning if this is the best way to handle things. My family thinks this is because I lean toward the disorganized, messy side - but it seems she's been giving my dad and my sister the same treatment. She's accusing yaya of losing some Easter socks yaya bought her - dad's blaming yaya too, which doesn't help. Lily's giving papa tips about how I manage bed time. I am cracking up because I guess when Lily woke up this morning she asked if she could look in yaya's washing machine for her socks because Papa told her they might have gotten mixed up with Yaya's laundry. She will not rest until the socks are found. And I am not involved. I love this! This is the child who reminds me to turn off my cell phone whent the movie starts and asks if I have my camera when we go somewhere special. They think she does that because I do forget sometimes - now they know! I should leave home more often.

Wednesday

2009-03-11T17:12:00.018-05:00

Wednesday was a sad day. I don't have any real cute, happy pictures to post, but I'll attach these so you get the idea. Willow didn't eat anything all day - just that dang bottle. I think when she's hungry, she's more likely to think about being sad, then she's too sad to eat and the bottle is comforting and easy for her. She had a few bites of this bread (while I had a #2 breakfast meal at McD's!) and a few animal crackers after swimming. She drinks lots of water out of the sippy cup I brought, so I know she's not malnourished or dehydrated, it's just sad to me because I know it's a sign of her stress. I'm praying she eats today.
Willow didn't cry a lot today, but she didn't laugh either. She was very quiet and very serious. When she woke up in the morning, she just wanted to sit in bed with her balloons from Sandra and watch cartoons. (Please note the tiny space where I sleep)

At the embassy I wasn't allowed to bring my camera, but Willow was hilarious. We were there for about two hours waiting to apply for Willow's Visa to America. She and Anna had a blast playing and running around the waiting room. They'd take turns grabbing the other one's hand and leading down this hall they were playing in. When Anna went to far down the hall, Willow would hold out her hand like she wanted Anna to hold it and then walk toward Anna's mom. If Anna didn't follow, Willow'd go to Anna's mom and do the same trying to lead her to Anna. She'd point at Anna and do the "come HERE" gesture with her hand. A couple times Anna brought Willow over to me, knowing she 'belongs' to me. It was darling. However, if Anna grabbed Willow's hand too tight, or when Willow wasn't in the mood anymore, she'd shake her pointer finger at her furiously. Mean face, hollering, saying "NO! NO! NO!" Then she'd look at Anna's mom and point to Anna and point to her own arm where Anna had touched. She is a pistol. When she's happy, she's very, very happy. When she's mad - look OUT. Yaya? Are you reading this? Can you have a chat with Lily, please? Mom's a little nervous. Lily cries if I think about being frustrated with her - what is she going to do when her sister screams and hollers at her?! This might make her skin a little thicker, but it won't come easily.

When we came back from the embassy we went for a little walk outside. Willow had fallen asleep in her stroller, so I laid her on the bed. She woke up sad and maybe confused, and she cried for about an hour. It wasn't that hysterical cry like she did Monday after Veronica and Sandra were gone, it was just a sad, quiet sobbing. She kept saying "mama". I held her on the patio/balcony and sang quietly (like Sandra told me Veronica did), but she kept on crying. I keep telling myself that she just has to grieve thier loss, that's every tear is a reflection of their love for her, and that she will be OK. After a bottle and some time to cry, she seemed better. When I put her swimsuit on, she was happy. When we played in the pool today, she was more subdued than yesterday - no belly laughing or wild water throwing - but she was happy there for about an hour.
After swimming she had another bottle (after a few animal crackers and refusing every other food I offered) and had a 2 hour nap.
She woke up around 4, very serious. Not crying, but looking sadly all around the room with her bottom lip out and tears in her eyes. When I rubbed her leg or back, she pushed my hand away. She didn't push me away, like to get off the bed, but she didn't want me touching her. After a few minutes of watching this awful sadness, we decided to go out for dinner. We walked up the street to Pizza Hut, and Willow was very content in her stroller. She refused to get out of the stroller when we got there. When I'd hold out my hands offering to hold her she shook her head no. When I patted the highchair, she shook her head no. When I offered her watermelon, cantloupe, bread, crackers, pizza, water, mom's pop, or ANY other food, she shook her head no. She just sat in the stoller, playing with her fingers and staring at her hands. It was so sad to watch we could hardly eat.

The only time she was really happy today was when Anna (whose parents are here from Wisconsin and who I've talked to online for 2 years) came to play before bedtime. They colored together and played with the balloons. They both shared and were proud to hand the other a crayon or balloon. Willow did her belly laugh a lot. But then.... she tried to take Anna's balloon, and I handed her another one instead, she refused and only wanted the one Anna was holding, and I said no. She stuck her finger up like Anna was in trouble and frantically looked around the room for someone to help her - someone she could yell and explain things too, but I was the "bad guy" and everyone else didn't really belong to her. She SOBBED. She was inconsolable. Anna and her family finally had to leave. I put Willow's PJs on, gave her a bottle, and layed in bed with her. She fell asleep a little happier, but it was a sad end to a sad day.

We all slept great and all night long. I'm still amazed she doesn't wake up crying in the night. She kicks and thrashes around, but last night I was tired enough to sleep through most of it. We were asleep by 9 and Willow is still sleeping now. Mom's just heading out for a coffee run. I hope tonight I have lots of happy pictures to post for today.

Pictures

2009-03-10T21:48:00.015-05:00

Sandra is holding Willow, Veronica is the foster mother (sitting next to them). Willow calls (called I guess) Veronica mama and Sandra Ti Ti. When she woke up with us all there, she was really crabby, but warmed up in about an hour. This is how we spent our first hour with Willow after the foster family left -coloring and playing with balloons they left for her. She didn't start screaming 'til after about an hour.

When I wrote last, Willow was still sleeping. She woke up this morning laughing. Not just happy - LAUGHING. Veronica and Sandra left these P.Js because they said she loves them. When she woke up I was on my computer across the room and she just sat up smiling at me. I went and layed by her and she was just silly and giggly. Grammy brought her these sunglasses.

Willow and I spent about an hour in the baby room in the hotel this morning. Yaya sent her this Backyardigan, and Willow had a blast covering it up and saying "ni ni", pushing it around in the stroller, and sitting it on the little chair at the table. She held it tonight while we watched the Backyardigans in bed and she's sleeping with it tonight. Cute!When we went swimming, it took about 5 minutes for Willow to want to get off my lap in the shallow sitting area, and then she played with stacking cups the rest of the time. Pouring, sorting, organizing, stacking, throwing water, pouring water on grammy and I, etc. She had a blast and never once was sad or asking for her other mama. I got sunburnt. Dang. It gets to about 80 in the afternoon, but mornings are around 50-60 degrees. Sandra emailed me this afternoon to remind me that it's cool in the morning and Willow might need a hat for our early morning embassy appointment tomorrow.

After the pool time, we found the perfect restaurant - mariachi band, yummy tacos/fajitas, and not too far from the hotel. Willow was crabby - it's so hard to know if she's sad because of the adjustment stress, tired, hungry, or something else. It seems that they didn't feed her meals - she just snacked all day. They were giving her a bottle of formula every 3 hours! Sandra and I have emailed several times since I got Willow and that was one of the things she mentioned in an email. So tonight, I ordered Willow a cheese quesedilla, rice and chips. She didn't eat anything, but grabbed a couple chips as we were leaving. Then I offered her a piece of the bread they left for her and she ate the whole thing in her stroller as we walked. She had two bottles tonight before bed and I just can't deal with that whole eating situation until we're home and she's more adjusted. It is driving me crazy, but we're in survival mode for a while.
She loves the bread so much, I asked one of the store clerks near our hotel where we can find bread like it and she showed us an incredible bakery just around the corner.

Willow doesn't want much to do with grammy today, which we were both sort of relieved about. Last night she was so upset she'd reach for each of us - whoever didn't have her. She was inconsolable. We let her do anything to try to comfort her, but it makes us wonder how this morning she knew I am mom. When my mom offered a crayon or snack this morning, she'd shake her head no. When my mom would set it down near her (ignoring Willow's answer!), Willow'd grab it and chuck it across the room or over her shoulder. Hilarious.

Tonight she was exhausted. We played on the bed for a couple hours with her favorite cartoons on the TV. When I'd get up for any reason, she'd holler at me and pat the bed. Not cry -just holler. When mom turned the TV channel, Willow sat straight up and hollered at her. Then mom put it on mute to see if Willow was really even paying attention to the show (WHY? WHY?) and Willow did the same thing - hollering at her, looking her dead in the eye. She does have a hot little temper, but she's SUPER loving. She gives us bites of her snacks, and hands us toys and crayons. If we try to hand her food or a drink she shakes her head no. If we set it by her without asking, she'll grab it and enjoy.

Good night from Guatemala, everyone!

First Night together

2009-03-10T06:33:00.002-05:00

Willow slept great. She woke up after my last post, but only for about an hour. She had a bottle like they told me to do, and it put her to sleep. A couple times she sat up in the night, but when I rubbed her back she layed right back down. I don't even know if she woke up. She's still sleeping. Can anyone believe that she didn't wake up screaming and looking for them? I can't.
Once, right before she fell asleep she looked over and saw her special bunny from Veronica's house. I was nervous it would make her cry. She grabbed it in a bear hug and smiled this GIANT smile she has, and put it on her pillow next to her. They said that she likes to play with Veronica's hair as she's falling asleep, which I forgot about until she started pulling my hair in the dark.

I was very worried about how frustrating language would be for her. After she ate her cheese last night I gave her a wet-wipe. She washed her fingers and threw the wipe on her little pile of stuff. I teasingly said "what are you doing with that wipe?" She picked it up and handed it to me. She totally "gets" that teasing voice. When our heads bumped while coloring, I did that "OW - you bonked my head" teasing and she cracked up. She knows how to point and lead us over by the hand to get what she wants - which she did with Sandra and Veronica too. I'm not so worried about language. While we were coloring, I would say "eye" every time I colored an animals eye and right away she pointed to her eye and my eye and said "eye". We'll be fine.

I emailed Sandra last night to tell her how it went. She said when they got home the house was quiet and sad. She told me if Willow looks for Veronica today, that it might help to let her climb the stairs and take her outside.

Before they left yesterday they told me Willow has not been around air conditioning, so I should be careful not to let her get cold in the hotel. Also that on Wed. morning when we go to the embassy it will help Willow if I bring her special blanket they gave us to cover her up. I forgot to mention last night that they gave me a letter for Willow from each of the family members. And Shirley, I didn't explain yesterday, is Veronica's teenage daughter. I think she cried the hardest. They also left a couple hats for Willow - they said she loves hats and lipstick. Her favorite shoes are jelly shoes, but she hates to go without socks. She loves to clean - how could I forget to mention that 'til now!? Lily is a cleaning maniac. They said whenever Veronica would get out the broom or wash something, Willow would insist on helping. They brought a little purse for Lily and matching Guatemalan dolls for Lily and Willow.

Willow is still sleeping. Grammy went for coffee. Here's hoping today goes well. Thanks for all the well wishes!

Gotcha!

2009-03-09T21:15:00.004-05:00

I am holding a sleeping girl as I type! I can't deal with pictures right now, but I'll write what I can for those who are interested.

When Sandra and Veronica and Veronica's teen age daughter arrived at the hotel, Willow was sleeping in Veronica's arms. We all walked up to a lounge area where we could have privacy. We spent about 2 hours together, and I think I figured out why Willow might be spoiled. They spoiled US! They brought hand-made table clothes for Jen (yaya), mom and I. They brought a hat for grandpa Bruce. They brought the first shoes Willow ever wore, her favorite snacks, her favorite toys and books, her special blanket, her favorite shoes, etc. etc. It took about an hour for Willow to wake up and settle in. She didn't look at me at first, but with in about an hour she was throwing balloons to me (that they brought to distract her), coloring with me, etc. They have showed her pictures of me this entire time and they call me "Mama Jessie" (mama "yessie"). They used that a lot today - "throw the balloon to mama Yessie", etc. We together told Willow that she has two mamis - mami Veronica and mami Yessie. Veronica told me, through the agency's translator, that Willow changed their home. She came into their lives at a very difficult time in Veronica's life and she was a joy. Their extended family's (parents and grandparents) hearts were changed about adoption after loving Willow. Veronica said she loves Willow like she is her own daughter and she begged me to love to forever and always take care of her. Their mother is assured of my love for Willow because of my email messages over the last year and they told me (with tears streaming down their faces) that Grandma Carmen loves me. The grandpa prays that he is able to dance with Pili on her 16th birthday. We were all crying and Willow kept coloring and playing wildly with the balloons. She laughs so loud it's hard to describe. She ran around the lounge we were in and explored. When Shirley came to kiss her goodbye, Willow gave her a crayon to color with us. When I put my crayon down, she put it back in my hand. She wanted the three of us to color together. When I was playing catch with the balloon with her, she went to Veronica, grabbed her hand and led her to where I was sitting. Willow would throw the balloon to me and then to Veronica. She wanted the three of us to play together.

They each said a personal, heartfelt goodbye to me at the end of our 2 hours together. Then, one by one they came over and kissed Willow whispering their goodbyes. Willow never stopped coloring. When they were all out of the room, I opened the little cup of Jello they brought for her and she devoured it. She never cried. She never ran after them. She didn't even get sad when she was done coloring and done with the Jello and realized we were alone. She played catch with those balloons with my mom and I! She'd put the end of one in my mouth and the end of the other balloon in my mom's mouth and laugh hysterically when we shook our heads and the balloons bounced around. She put crayons in our hands and we all colored together. I was nervous about packing up and heading back to our room, thinking that'd make her nervous. Not at all -she just followed me and my coloring book down the hall and laid on the floor in our hotel room. She'd belly laugh everytime the coloring book would slip under the weight of her hand. She ate some cheese and french fries, and roamed around the room. When I took her out on the patio she laughed so hard at the wind it was sort of eery. Mom said "Is she hysterical?"

Her joy lasted about an hour and then she screamed. She screamed a fierce, angry, exhausting cry that was painful to hear. She'd reach for the door, reach for grammy, then back to me. Sweating and dripping with tears. She was exhausted, but kept on screaming. Finally, after an hour she stopped and stared quietly out on the patio while I rocked her and quietly sang. Veronica had told me that she liked to be sung to. Now she is sleeping on my lap, still quivering once in a while with those after-cry shudders. I am thankful that she was happy when they left because it would have been so awful to pry her out of their arms. I am also thankful that she was never afraid of me. She had time to warm up to me before they left and she heard their assurances that I am OK.

She will sleep in bed with me while we're here. Tomorrow we don't need to go anywhere - just hang out at the hotel and do whatever we can to help Willow grieve.

About Miss Lily: According to VERY helpful emails from Yaya, Lily is having a blast. She loved having papa in her room Sunday night. Tonight she's at yaya's and is going to Grace and Tate's school tomorrow for lunch. Yaya wrote two emails to me as dictated by Lily and they are hilarious. I love hearing the little details about her day - and yaya is going above and beyond! Lily's in good hands and Willow will be OK. All is right in my world tonight...

I'll post some pictures when I can.

Adios!

2009-03-07T19:58:00.006-06:00

Tonight was my last night tucking Liller in without her little sister.

Lily is excited for her big week with Papa and yaya (my dad and sister). Papa is sleeping in Willow's bed when they're here. The other nights Lily will be at yaya's house. I'm trying to imagine my dad in the bed next to Lily - it's not possible. I said "Dad - you can sleep in my adult bed and watch TV for crying out loud." Lily is used to sleeping alone in her room. Nope - he thinks she'll think that's "pretty cool" having someone in there with her. Um, Yeaaaaa. That's an understatement.

She'll go to day care twice this week. On Thursday yaya's taking her to the Mall of America: the American Girl store to pick out an outfit for Willow's doll and Lily's doll, to Build a Bear to get something made just for Lily, and out to lunch. What lucky girls - my mom taking care of me and Willow while Yaya and Papa are taking care of Lily.

I am scheduled to receive Willow at the hotel late Monday afternoon - around 4:30ish. Sandra and Veronica will bring her to me along with a translator from my agency. I'm excited for tomorrow for 2 reasons: 1) I leave 2) I can say "Tomorrow I get to meet Willow". I'm terrified and sad for the grieving they will all experience, but I'm so tired of worrying about it, it'll be a relief to just get busy fixing it.

I have a gift for Lily to open every day while I'm gone. I wrote her special events for each day on the calendar. I told her Yaya will send emails to me any time she has a message to give me. One night this week I told her I'd be leaving after church on Sunday and reminded her of all the fun things she'll do while I'm gone. She goes "Mom? Know what I'm going to do at the airport?" (all giggly and squirmy) "I'm going to push you and say 'go mom! hurry!'"

We have a DATE!

2009-03-05T13:34:00.003-06:00

My mom and I are leaving Sunday after church for Guatemala! We will get Willow on either Monday or Tuesday. My agency says they're "busy" on Monday, so I'm suggesting I get Willow without them (the irony...) and do whatever business we have left when they're available on Tuesday. I have HAD it with the delays! Either way, I will get my girl next week.

Our embassy appointment is on Wednesday at 7:15am.
We have to stay 'til Friday morning so we can pick up Willow's visa on Thursday.
Our flight gets in out of Houston on Friday night at 4:20.

A week from today we will be over the worst of the transition (I hope). My next update might just be from GUATEMALA! Thanks for cheering us on for such a long, long time. There are so many faithful friends who've never given up hope that this day would come - and I can't thank you enough.

Video

2009-02-27T10:44:00.005-06:00

Sandra sent this video this morning.

She also wrote that they arrived at the DNA appointment 1 hour early, so they used the stairs instead of the elevator to kill some time. The clinic is on the 8th floor and Pili climbed all those stairs and wanted to keep going up when they got to the 8th floor! "Pili does not tire easily." She had immunizations yesterday so that she would be up to date when I receive her. The shots caused her to have a fever and "cry with discomfort" but she woke up this morning feeling much better.

DNA is at the lab today and the results should arrive at the embassy next week.

DNA will be sent next Tuesday

2009-02-20T20:23:00.003-06:00

Not as soon as I'd hoped, but at least there's an end in sight. I could be in Guatemala the week of March 9th or the week of the 16th - most likely the week of the 16th.

Discipline tips from Sandra

2009-02-20T05:25:00.002-06:00

Sandra sent me an email the other day, describing their morning of getting the passport photo taken. Apparently Willow was very angry because they had to wake her up at 5:45 (she doesn't go to bed 'til 10pm). She was "tranquil" on the bus, but when they got to the immigration office she did not sit still for one minute. She ran around, played with other kids, took off the chains/ropes for the waiting area, etc. When they tried to comb her hair for the photo, she threw the comb and purposely messed up her hair. She looked everywhere around the room "minus the camera". The only way the photographer could get her to look at the camera was to trick her by putting a stuffed tiger on top of the camera.

Sandra said she belives I will "have to pay extra monies to courses so Pili can study theater" because she "dramatizes in all". If she falls, she throws things in anger. If someone corrects her, she hollers and tries to explain what really happened. If someone does something she doesn't like, she "gives complaint". "She is a little girl with very strong character."

Sandra wrote in all BOLD font: "Remember to never, ever touch the food that is on her plate. If you do this, she will throw all her food to the floor." Am I adopting Helen Keller? It appears this child has never been told no. I know, I know: it's better that she's been loved. I'm used the idea of her being loved; I'm taking that for granted now. YIKES!

I have been doing all I can to prepare Lily - we talk about this stuff every day off and on. Yesterday Lily's dental hygenist said to her "Being a big sister is a very important job. What is the first lesson you're going to teach your sister?" Lily goes "I'm going to learned her how to be a 'King girl' because she doesn't know our rules yet". I didn't hear it, and I'm SO thankful the hygenist told me so I know Liller is hearing me - for as much good as that can do for her! I tell her all the time: "Willow won't know we are her family. We can't punish her when she breaks the rules because she doesn't know our rules and she will be scared of us." If Lily took her sister's toy, she'd get a time out. Willow won't, we just have to say "No, no, Willow. King girls share toys. Here's another toy, Willow". I know - it sounds obnoxious, but we're going to be in survival mode. I guess that explains why my mom wants to get Lily outta the line of fire as much as possible. I'll try deep breathing (and drinking).

I keep reminding myself that I deal with a room full of 7 year olds all day, every day. I can handle a little discipline problem. I have a Master's degree in Behavior disorders, right? I taught teenagers with conduct disorders for 10 years - I can handle a naughty toddler. Despite these reminders - it's hard to breath most of the time. I'm way more excited than scared still, but absolutely terrified none the less! I can not WAIT to start dealing with it instead of worrying about it all.

My next post should be that DNA is on its way. YEAAAA!

ORANGE!!!!!

2009-02-19T18:05:00.002-06:00

When the embassy grants approval to submit the final DNA, they issue and orange slip. WE ARE ORANGE! Now all that's left is to collect that DNA sample from Willow, overnight it to the U.S. lab, and overnight the results back to the embassy. We should be there in 2-3 weeks, depending on when the sample is sent in.

What a relief!

Passport DONE!

2009-02-17T16:57:00.005-06:00

Finally I can report that Willow's passport is done. What a relief. Apparently the guy who has Power of Attorney for me has taken another job and my attorney couldn't track him down 'til now. Seriously - this close to the end and these absurd things continue happening. I keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of my computer and yell that I've been punked.

Now we pray for the DNA process to happen soon (today would be great) and then the results to arrive smoothly back at the embassy with in a week or two at the most. I should be there in 3 weeks. I SHOULD be there in 3 weeks. Pretend you haven't read that for the last 2 months or so.

Here are some pictures from Sandra. They took her to the zoo last week. She was afraid of most of the animals, but had a good time (as long as she stayed close to Veronica).

Nada

2009-02-13T06:10:00.002-06:00

My attorney has done NOTHING since receiving Willow's birth certificate. He has not completed her passport, he has not received permission to complete her DNA, and he definitely has not collected the DNA sample we need before bringing her home. Once the sample is on its way to America, I can expect to travel about 2-3 weeks later, but we STILL haven't started that part of the process.

There are no words for my rage and sadness.

Daily Life according to Sandra

2009-02-05T20:49:00.004-06:00

Sandra sent me information about Willow's daily life. I had asked a million questions, and she went above and beyond:

FAVORITE SHOWS: 1. Backyardigans 2. Barney 3. HI 5 4. Lazy town 5. Mickey Mouse 6. Jorge the curious one 7. Winny Pooh (I'm inserting the exact translation because I think it's funny)

FAVORITE FOODS: Bread with marmalade, with beans, with cheese cream or with ham egg. I stir cereal with and without milk, banana, apple, orange, tangerine, grape, lemon with salt, chicken stew, banana, meat hoe, rice, noodles, Pope juices, crackers, compotes, pure water,
gelatin
NOT FAVORITE FOODS: The sausage, fried egg, candies of mint

THAT HE LIKES: - The books - to see photos - the dummies - to dance - to sing - to play ball - to be bathed - to run - to do the things by itself alone - the candies - the ice cream - the cake - the ham - the caps - the hats - that the alagen when does somewhat good or something that be dífícil to do for its age (him is applauded and him is said: BRAVE! !!!). - The fotball and to shout goal - the children and to play with them

And a picture. While Sandra and Veronica were talking, Pili took her orange peels and the napkin from her bread and decorated the laundry basket. Sandra wrote that she is "ingenious" and "creative" and is fascinated with the simplest of things. I am cracking up thinking of her sister's reaction to this mess!!! Lily is a NEAT FREAK.

Possible timeline

2009-01-30T22:03:00.003-06:00

My attorney did not pick up the completed birth certificate until Wednesday, although it was ready last Friday. We lost nearly a week waiting! Here's what could be coming next:

By Friday Feb. 6: Birth Certificate documents translated
Early the following week: DNA sample taken AND Willow's passport completed
Two weeks after the DNA is taken, the results should arrive at the embassy in Guat. and they should email me with a date to be there (I'll get 5-7 days notice).

There's still a slim chance I could travel before the end of February, but it's looking more like early March every day. Each day feels like a year. Seriously - a couple days this week I felt paralyzed staring at my computer waiting for some news about that stupid birth certificate.

Tomorrow Willow's bed arrives. I'm going to spend some time this weekend getting the bedroom ready to get my mind off waiting. Lily is terrified of switching rooms and I finally gave in tonight deciding to put it off for a few more weeks. She doesn't want to sleep in there without her sister - I was thinking it would be nice for her to transition before Willow arrives so it's one less change in Lily's life. She strongly disagrees with me, so she's sleeping in her current room for a while longer.

Birth Certificate MAY BE approved

2009-01-24T18:32:00.002-06:00

Thank you for all the thoughtful emails and messages - so many were eagerly waiting with me for Friday's word. Here's the deal:

My agency called the birth certificate office on Friday and they said the birth certificate is ready. So they called my attorney to tell him it's ready to be picked up. He told them he was on his way there to pick it up and he would get a copy to them on Monday. I should be relieved, but my agency has been both wrong and lied to far too many times for me to get excited without PROOF. So, yes I got good news, but no I don't believe it yet. Maybe I'll get some proof on Monday. I will post it the minute I hear something. Remember, after the birth certificate is done, I should be holding that kid 4 weeks later!

Willow's Temperament

2009-01-19T19:32:00.003-06:00

Sandra sent me a lovely email today. Although she can not divulge information regarding the legalities of my case, I am hopeful that we'll get that birth certificate this Friday. They only release files on Friday.

She explains that Pili becomes more "restless" each day. Sandra believes that I will have to "keep many energies for when she is with us." She describes Pili as "very jealous": when someone gives affection to Veronica or Sandra, Pili pushes them away and rejects them - she has done this since she was tiny. She prays a lot that Pili will get along well with Lily in light of this quality. She writes that she does not want to worry/frighten me, but wants to prepare me for the "form" of Pili. Also, she explains that the foster family says Pili does what she wants because they have consented to her, but Sandra says she "does what she wants" because this is her personality and character since she was tiny. (Gulp)

Because our time together will be limited when Willow is delivered to me, Sandra hopes to continue passing details and routines on to me while we wait out these final weeks. I am grateful. I'm happy to know ahead of time that I should attempt to "keep many energies."

Let's all chant together: FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY! Please let this be the week we're done waiting for paperwork.

2009-01-08T06:42:00.007-06:00

Hopefully this was our last Christmas without Willow. Here are some of Lily's highlights:

Lots of time to hang out at home with her new stuff: We went skating a few times on the pond behind our house:

We met Beamer in Red Wing to exchange gifts. Check out the Hannah Montana "batar":

Ice fishing with Papa (the highlight was when a fish jumped back out of the hole and into the ice house):

We got some time with Traelyn (Lily's friend from the same orphanage):

And a day at Gail and Tom's farm with lots of sleigh rides with Gracie:

Lily's favorite place (my bed):

Sandra sent me an email this week giving some Spanish words she thinks will help Willow:

Leche (milk)

Agua (water)

Bebe (baby)

Pelota (I can't remember)

Globo (balloon)

Arroz (rice)

Pan (bread)

Perro (dog)

Zapatos (shoes)

Pacha (bottle)

And she suggested I bring a little photo album with al the pictures she's sent to me and practice saying "Que nene tan linda" ("What a nice baby" I think). I love these little details and the fact that they love her so much they want to help us like this.

My attorney says that I'll begin my next 15 day wait on January 14.

Feliz Navidad!

2008-12-29T15:51:00.013-06:00

All offices are closed in Guatemala this week, so there will be no developments on the birth certificate until next week some time. Sandra sent an email this afternoon telling me that Willow had a happy Christmas and received many presents, was very happy, and is in a home filled with love and peace while she waits for me. Check out these big-girl pig tails: I sent this T-Shirt in her last care-package (I do believe she has my thighs):

That's right - kisses not biting:

What's interesting about this one, is that I had recently decided to bring Lily's doll stroller on our trip to Guatemala because I thought Willow would be old enough to LOVE pushing it around the hotel. Lily was about this age when we bought her stroller at the American Girl store in Chicago and she had a blast hauling her dolls all over in it - she still does actually. Anyway - now there's no doubt Willow will love her stroller. I sent this dress and the little purple mary janes down too. I think they're SO cute! I sent the pink, footless leggings to go with this dress, but I guess they didn't "get" my style.

Can't catch a break

2008-12-19T19:59:00.002-06:00

I called Guatemala again today - the office where birth certificates are provided. I've talked to this woman there twice every week since our file was submitted. Today she gave me the sad news that there was an error in our file - LONG boring explanation omitted here - and it will have to be fixed and resubmitted before receiving the birth certificate. I have NO idea how much time this could cost. Who knows when the attorney will pick up the file or how complicated it could be to fix the error and then we wait the 15 days AGAIN after I'm resubmitted.

Birth Certificate in progress

2008-12-03T06:24:00.003-06:00

The first step of the birth certificate is complete. I expect to wait 15 days for the next step to be completed. After 15 days (crossing all fingers and toes), when that final birth certificate step is complete, I expect to travel about 4 weeks later. I will only get 5-7 days notice to book my flight with exact dates. We are sooooo close!

Sandra emailed me the following video of Pili at the park. They say she is a dare-devil. Sandra wrote that she worries greatly about Pili's adjustment: she wants only to be with Veronica as if she knows their time together is nearing an end. She begs me in every email now to pray for Pili to adjust well. They all worry terribly for her initial sadness. So does Mommy - pray everyone. Pray!

If I knew how to rotate this, I would. Sorry. I've watched about a million times and my neck may never be the same!

I'm Legal Guardian!

2008-11-28T14:32:00.008-06:00

I became Willow's legal guardian this week. That means that her adoption decree has been legalized by the Guatemalan governement. HUGE step to say the least. Today they are submitting paperwork to receive her birth certificate with our last name. When we receive that (1-2 month wait) we will travel about 4 weeks later. It is very likely that I'll travel in January, but a lot depends on how long it takes to get this birth certificate. In the mean time:

Here is the last care package I sent:
Apparently Willow loves dolls and she didn't want to put any of these down the day they took her to this store:

This is Sandra and Veronica's brother's daughter. She spends a great deal of time with Willow and is 10 months old:

Sister's perspective

2008-11-16T20:40:00.010-06:00

Lily is writing a note to her sister (check out the fancy slippers and velvet dress):

The other night Lily was talking to her "students" after I'd tucked her in for the night (she does this every night). I thought I heard her screaming/crying, so I went running to her room. She asked what I was doing, but when I told her I'd thought I heard her crying she said "Mom, I thought of Willow and I just started laughing!" Here's what she's most excited about:

Playing Littlest Pet Shop with Willow

Teaching Willow how to color

Showing Willow the Children's Museum - she thinks the bubbles will be her favorite

Getting a Build A Bear of her own (remember when we made a Build A Bear for Willow? Back then I promised Lily that when her sister finally gets here we'd go back and make one for Lily, bringing Willow with us this time). She wants a Hannah Montana dress for it.

Letting Willow eat rice and chicken and fish (my girl - always thinking of food)

Watching movies - all of us watching together in my bed

My social worker thinks we'll travel in January or February. We are waiting now to be submitted to the govt. agency that creates the birth certificate - this takes about 2 months to receive. After we get the birth certificate it should be about 2-4 weeks 'til I travel. January is definitely not out of the question, but I'm thinking February based on recent timelines.

O - U - T

2008-11-13T20:42:00.008-06:00

We are out. Yes we are. WE'RE OUT! I have been waiting to write those words since last March!!! One more time: WE'RE OUT!

Now we wait for a new birth certificate (with my last name), another DNA test (to prove she is the same baby we started with), a few signatures, etc. etc. I would expect to bring this bundle home in February. I'll get 6 weeks off work to stay home with her, and then she'll join her sister at day care with Diane.

On a side note - I had an email from Sandra the other day. She wrote that Willow has started biting her friends when they try to take her toys. She also wrote that she is usually loving and affectionate and loves to kiss and hug other children. YIKES! Does this look like the face of a biter: I sent her this cute little blue dress. She sort of looks like she knows we're out, huh?

Last time, I promise: WE'RE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Focusing on the positive

2008-10-22T06:25:00.013-05:00

We went to Emma Krumbee's apple orchard with grammy a couple week's ago. Lily had a blast riding the trike/tractor thing, jumping on the hay pile, seeing the scarecrows, playing in the kid band on stage, and leading us through the corn maze:

Chinese Culture camp was at Cragun's resort this year. This is our 3rd year - and Grace has made the trip with us every time. We went for a trolley ride pulled by Clydesdales, hiked along the lake, had a bonfire on the beach, and swam in the pool when we weren't learning about China:

The lake and leaves were beautiful and the leaves were perfect. But more importantly, in case you don't notice, is that Lily believes this is her "Hannah Montana" pose. She claims this one-knee-bent-just-a-little-bit is exactly how Hannah stands:

Tate recently joined us for Lily's first trip to Chucky Cheese's and then a sleepover:

Hay ride at Aunt Gail and Uncle Tom's:

NOT on final reviewer's desk afterall

2008-10-22T06:01:00.002-05:00

I found out last week that we are not on the final reviewer's desk. I called PGN myself to ask if they could tell me more about why files haven't been released for nearly a month. Instead of just answering that question, I was transferred several times and ultimately spoke with a man whom I could hear making several calls on my behalf. It seems they were unable to find my file! I was transferred to another woman who asked me to email her so she could take time to locate my file and respond to my email on Monday. Her response indicated that my file was BACK in minor's division because PGN would like their own psychologist to interview Willow's birth mother again. Yes, this will be her 4th interview! My attorney is hoping to get the interview scheduled for this week. Then I'm sure I go back to the bottom of the pile of files waiting to be reviewed and approved.

In the meantime, the reason they haven't released a SINGLE file in a month: Computers are down. I am speechless.

Waiting for final signature

2008-10-03T07:05:00.007-05:00

I got new pictures of my girl this week:

My file is waiting for final signature in PGN. We don't know if this is another Kick Out for an error within the file or it it's finally approval. And we don't know how long it will take to get that signature. Apparently the person who has to sign off is behind and has a sizable stack of files to go through and sign.

15 Months old

2008-09-14T06:09:00.008-05:00

Willow is now 15 months old. We are still stuck waiting in PGN, which is similar to the U.S. Secretary of State. We just have to wait for their approval and pray I don't get kicked out again for some silly error.

Sandra sent me these pictures last night. She took them at her office, where she works for my attorney. She wrote that Pili is a "daredevil" and she gets mad and fights when they take dangerous things away from her. She likes to look at story books for a long time and she takes everything out of the cabinets at their home. She loves to sing and dance. She says they all "lament" that PGN has not approved yet, but they expect Pili to leave them soon. She knows her leaving will be painful for everyone. She gave Pili the kisses that I sent through email and says Pili is happy almost all the time.

She went to the doctor last week. She weighs 23 lbs and says mama, papa, grandma, grandpa, bottle, milk, bread, water, nene and nena (what do they mean - I have no idea). I'm learning some Spanish from my students this year and have a lot more work to do.

The purple/green dress is one that I sent to her last month. The pink mocassin type shoes are from Beamer - aren't they cute?! I was getting the feeling she'd outgrow them before I got her here to wear them.

They have started calling her Willow some of the time so it is not "unfamiliar" to her. I hadn't mentioned that I'd call her Pili for a while and gradually switch to Willow - now I guess it'll be easier. Maybe this will be our week. I have said that every week since August...

Lily and I get away for a while

2008-08-12T06:42:00.011-05:00

Lily and I took a little trip last week. We spent 2 nights camping in Door county first. Lily is cooking our dinner :

We took the ferry to Washington Island. When we were in route to the island Lily asked me "WHERE are the fairies?" I explained the difference between a FERRY and a FAIRY and she responded: "This is not awesome, mom. I thought we were going to see fairies."

We rented bikes (really one bike with a tag-a-long) and did the Sunset Loop through Pennisula State park, which follows along Lake Michigan and through 2 of the state parks. It was beautiful.

After Door County, we spent 2 nights in Milwaukee for a reunion with the families we traveled with to China. Thirteen of the families made it! Seeing all those girls (and their families) was honestly the highlight of my summer. When we met those babies, they were scared and sad and basically inconsolable. Now they are happy, sassy, confident, healthy little girls. Amazing. They played in the pool most of the weekend while the adults visited. We broke up pool time with a trip to the Milwaukee Zoo and dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. I'll include a photo from last weekend and one from 2004 in China:

And lastly, before we went home we spent 5 nights at my parent's cabin. Lily got to fish with the new BARBIE pole papa bought her. Kris "Beamer", Lyle and Alex were there for 3 days, and Lily adores Alex (a little too much according to Alex).

Now we spend the last 2 weeks of summer waiting for news of Willow. I can't believe we're still waiting. I keep praying to be "out" before we go back to school, but it looks bleak to be honest.

Email from Sandra

2008-07-22T20:56:00.002-05:00

I got the sweetest email from Sandra yesterday. She wrote that Pili hated having ink on her hands for those hand/foot prints. She didn't cry, but she stared at it and held her hands out to her as if to say "What is this?". She wanted it cleaned off right away and then checked her hands thoroughly to make sure they were completely clean.

She also wrote that she cried when she say the picture I sent of Lily holding hands with my dad. She wrote that someday it will be Pili in that photo walking away with her grandfather.

And that Pili "is identifying incredibly with Veronica" (the foster mom) and that she cries when she can not see her. I had asked in a previous email if she thought, based on Willow's personality, if it would terribly difficult for her to go with me. She said "I believe that the separation is going to be very hard for the two. I believe that for you also because she perhaps cry like he did him Lily. That good that acquired experience with Lily and he will know that to do and that finally she will be well. This calms me because itself that in the end Pili be on good terms with you." Understand there are translation problems because I use an online, free site that is sketchy at best. I can usually get the gist, which I'm sure is all she can do with what I send to her.

How can I dread the day that I am more excited about than anything else in the world? It's the strangest place to be. I ache for these people and for Willow - not that I wouldn't jump on the chance to get her TODAY if I could. But as long as I have no control, I don't mind that we're putting it off for her. I know. I know. It only gets harder for her as time goes on. It makes no sense - but what about mothering ever does?!

INTERVIEW DONE!!

2008-07-08T19:08:00.002-05:00

My social worker emailed me this morning: The birth mother interview was completed yesterday and everything went fine. I don't know which I worried more about - the time this wait was adding to the process or the fear that her birth mother would change her mind. At any rate - it's over! Some families are approved a month after the interview is complete, some have been kicked out a few times before they're approved. There is no way to predict what will come next or how long we'll wait for whatever it is. All I know for sure is that I had NO chance of getting approved until this interview was done and now it is.

Camping and the Cabin

2008-07-07T18:39:00.010-05:00

Still no news on the birth mother interview, so while we wait for an update, here are some shots of Lily to keep us on course. Thanks for sticking with this long, boring journey! All the kids love 4 wheeler rides with Papa at the cabin.

She'll cuddle up with this mayfly, but if there's so much as an ANT in our house she's hysterical. One of the many quirks of the mysterious Lily.

Tate and Lily are so "on" right now. They have been adoring each other! No fights, no squabbles, just games and silliness. I hope this lasts a while.

It's all fun and games 'til some one gets a leach. Once Lily had to deal with THAT unspeakable torture, she was done playing in the water. Thankfully it didn't happen 'til the day before we left the cabin.

Lily is officially a compulsive fisher-girl. She caught these walleye and had to throw one back because it was TOO BIG. After that every time papa got up she'd ask where he was going. She was devasted to wake up one morning with him already out on the lake without her. She had a line off the dock all weekend.

We went camping at Kamp Dels the weekend before we went up north. Lily LOVES to sleep in the tent.

From my baby

2008-06-29T19:54:00.003-05:00

I didn't see this until after I got home from Walgreens with the prints Sandra sent. It's for ME! What a treasure. I can't wait to hold this myself and hang it Willow's room. Awwwww. I'm a mess - this is so sweet.

MORE new pictures from Sandra

2008-06-29T16:13:00.006-05:00

Sandra emailed me about 20 pictures of Pili at the park. She wrote that Pili is not at all afraid of swinging high and going fast down the slide. She also wrote that on June 23rd she walked by herself - she went fast and they were nervous so they hold her hand mostly. She can crawl up and down the 13 steps to their 2nd level without help. She does not get tired, according to Sandra, and will go up and down 2 or 3 times without resting.

Sandra and Veronica had this made on Willow's birthday. It is the ink prints of her hands and feet. It's sweet because I had something similar made for Lily on her birthday and I was sad to have missed it for Willow's birthday. She saved it for me so I can have it when I go pick her up.

This was taken at Willow's doctor appointment for her 1 year well-check. She weighs 20 lbs and remains healthy. This must have been just before she "made the doctor sweat"! She's resting up for the big resistance.

Sandra hopes that we will get our birth mother interview done next week. People are being released from PGN about a month after the interview. Some are getting out 2 weeks after the interview, others 2 months, but the average is about a month. Rememeber, after I'm "out" (appproved) I wait 6-8 weeks to travel and pick her up. If they hadn't started doing all these interviews, I would have probably been out a couple months ago. If things progress as they are, I can expect to travel some time this fall - I'm hoping before Christmas.

Birthday Girl

2008-06-11T21:10:00.005-05:00

Here are the pictures I received of Pili's birthday party. She is wearing a dress and shoes that I sent down for her several months ago - so thoughtful of Veronica to dress her in something from me. I only wish I could have spent this milestone with my girl. Remember - she loves the Backyardigans! I also sent down a CD with songs from the show (in English unfortunately) and kept a copy for myself so when she comes home she'll have something familiar.

I brought cake and ice cream to Jen's house. We had dinner, birthday cake and then watched Tate's soccer game. It wasn't as sad as I thought the day would be. I wish Willow were here, but she's happy, healthy, and completely well-cared for. Some day this awful wait will be a distant memory.

Pili went to the doctor recently and she HATES the doctor. She had to have shots for her 1 year exam and the doctor said:
"This girl causes sweats me, she has a lot of force".

Sandra then wrote: "Thanks to God, she is well of health." It's hard to get a lot of humor through these translations, but this humor is hard to miss! I can't wait to get my hands on this kid - that strong will and fierce determination are going to be a riot. My kind of girl!

There is no end in sight by the way. PGN did not release any files in May at all and there have been less than 10 in the last 2 weeks. There are still over 2000 pending files/families waiting to be approved. At this point I'm planning my summer without Willow and beginning to consider fall might be a little too optimistic for thinking she'll be here. I just booked Chinese Culture Camp for Lily, Grace and I for October - which I wouldn't do if I thought Willow might actually be here by then. I now pay $350/month for her foster care until she is home because the attorneys and foster families have no means to continue to support this broken system. A small price to pay for Willow's well being in a developing country, but a painful reminder that I have no control.

In the mean time Lily and I are going to have a memorable summer just the two of us. She started swimming lessons tonight and will spend a lot of time with Grammy while I'm teaching 16 days of summer school. We continue to pray for her sister every night. Tonight Lily begged me to buy her sister a tiny swim suit because she doesn't think it's fair that she (Lily) has so many suits and Willow only has 2. Willow is definitely part of our daily life - now we're even arguing about her. Sheesh.

Staying distracted. Staying focused.

2008-05-26T16:41:00.009-05:00

There are approximately 2000 families still in the same situation Willow and I are in - waiting for PGN to approve and release our files. Current rumors are that PGN is going to interview every birth mother before releasing files; however some believe that they will release the easily approvable files within the coming weeks as they complete interviewing the rest of the birth mothers.

I am no longer calm - I am officially back to being obsessed. My agency notified me last week that I must pay additional money because of the length of time Willow has been in foster care. While I understand these issues are out of the bureaucracy's control, it's adding insult to injury: "You're not getting your baby home anytime soon. Oh, and you need to pay more money because of it." I'm not alone, thankfully. I've been reading online about so many families having to pay, I actually inquired with my agency about it before they contacted me. The good news is that they are fighting against paying all that my attorney is asking and they're willing to cover part of the additional cost for the families they're representing. If there was some end in sight, I wouldn't feel so frantic, but there has not been a single file released from PGN in over 3 weeks.

So, I focus on Lily. I am reminded every day that all of this waiting and worrying has a purpose and is quickly forgotten when that new little person joins our family. Here's what Lily and I did this weekend to stay busy and as preoccupied as I can be:

Farmer's Market - corn on the cob for breakfast:

Children's Museum - Lily's favorite is almost always the bubbles. Although the rooftop artpark is open for the season and she spent a long, long time out there Friday night. She also LOVES to boss other kids around in the construction site thing - it gets a little embarrassing.

We went to the Peace Garden and Rose Garden near Lake Harriet. Sort of ironic I know.
Crowning princess Dandeflower. She will not say Dandelion. I have received countless bouquets of dandeflowers this spring! We spent far longer at this little weed patch than we did in either of the other gardens. We saw a wedding party having pictures taken and Lily asked me if the beautiful girl was going to a castle after she got married.

We went to a Saints game on Saturday night. We were in our seats for about 40 minutes - most of the night was spent in line getting tickets, in line for the bathroom, and at the little playground area in the ball field.
This morning we went to Como zoo. I regret to report that Lily's favorite part was the rides. Before I was a parent I swore my child would never go on rides at the zoo - those days are over.

More pictures

2008-05-11T06:27:00.008-05:00

Pili will have to go through yet another interview with PGN. I am so disappointed - for her birth mother to have to face her yet again, and for the time it will add to this whole thing. We still are not back in PGN.

Sandra wrote that Pili still has the 6 teeth - I had asked if there were more. She said Pili loves to watch Barney and loves to dance to one of the CDs I sent to them. With part of the money I sent to them (through my agency) they are going to buy her a birthday cake. Her birthday is June 4. Dang.

More delays

2008-05-09T16:54:00.004-05:00

PGN is interviewing all birth mothers prior to approving adoptions. This is in addition to the social worker interview which every adoption goes through at the very beginning of the process. The pictures above are from the Guatemala press this morning. Biological mothers were summoned to appear before large crowds including the media, the PGN official comleting the interview, the child, attorney, and foster mother. The interviews are very simple, apparently including basically two questions: "Are you the biological mother of this child?" and "Do you still wish to relinquish this child?"

The reasons for the additional interview are:

To weed out corruption. The birth mother has to affirm that she is in fact the baby's biological mother and that she still wishes to relinquish the child.

To rule our coersion and/or bribery.

To eventually speed up the process to eliminate other forms of investigation.

My prayer, today, is that Willow's birth mother doesn't need to complete a THIRD interview because she was just interviewed in the Minor's division of PGN as part of the extra investigation that all minor (under 18 yrs. of age) birth mothers go through. She's already told the social worker and the PGN she is doing this of free will.

New pictures from Sandra

2008-05-05T18:58:00.006-05:00

She wanted me to see the "form" or "position" Willow takes her bottle. Looks simple enough. I believe I can handle this.

Does anyone else think this kid keeps getting cuter?! I think part of it is that she's getting more hair, but come ON - she's adorable! I do not know how to explain the fact that I am content looking at these pictures and knowing I'm not as close to bringing her home as I had thought. I know that she is happy and healthy and I know that this situation is much, much bigger than our little story. Because I have Lily, I know that it is worth all the waiting and wondering. As I say all too often: I know that "it'll be fine in the end. If it's not fine, it's not the end." I go to sleep wondering what Pili is doing and I wake up wondering if she's awake yet. I stand in her room and try to imagine her there. But it is not with sadness, it's with a strange sense of peace. I started feeling this calm about a month ago and it remains! I'm not making any promises about how long it might last (and I do have my moments of anguish), but I'm enjoying it while it lasts. And so are my family and friends!

I'm still not back in PGN and probably won't be for a couple of weeks. Now it is predicted that PGN will be virtually frozen for up to a month while they continue to review files.

Those four women I've been writing about, who are on the hunger strike in Guatemala? There are rumors that they are being paid to stage the whole thing. One of the Guatemala forums I frequent contacted the women and offered to post pictures of their babies in order to help find them. None of the women nor their representatives have responded to many offers of help. There is some speculation that they are being paid by a type of lobbyist in Guatemala who is anti-international adoption. As you can imagine, there are many.

So, the saga continues. We've all learned more than we ever wanted to about the politics of a developing country. Thanks, as always, for sharing my journey.

2008-05-03T17:41:00.006-05:00

I am pictured below with Senator Klobuchar and my friend Sigrid. Sigrid is a single mom to a beautiful 3 year old daugther from China (who looks exactly like Lily). We met on a walk one day near my old house in Brooklyn Center. She is currently waiting for a baby girl (born last March) from Guatemala (who does NOT look exactly like Willow. Whew!).
I was able to meet with Senator Klobuchar and a large group of parents waiting to adopt from Vietnam and Guatemala today. There is absolutely nothing the American Government can or should do to help us right now, but the Senator assured Guatemala parents that things will be OK. She met with the President Colom and his wife (who is going to play an active role in Guatemalan adoptions) last week and was assured that things in PGN will pick up speed in the coming weeks. I am always eager to participate in these discussions in case I need help at some point and to share Willow's story with anyone willing to listen. I still believe the stall at PGN is necessary right now and I am not arrogant enough to think that we Americans should be given any special treatment. I'd like to believe Willow deserves it, but the truth is that this picture is bigger than either of us.

I was reminded today that this battle is not about finding babies for families, but finding families for babies. This baby has found her family and that is what we are fighting to protect. With all due to respect to the government officials in Guatemala: This baby has found her family and all potential law changes should honor that above all else! Can I just write it one more time, dear reader? THIS BABY HAS FOUND HER FAMILY!

PGN not releasing files

2008-04-30T21:17:00.004-05:00

This sign is posted on the PGN window where attorneys go to collect files once they have been approved and released. It's basically saying that they are not releasing any files at this time regardless of approval. There are several issues going on right now that may or may not be causing this:

Four Guatemalan women are on a hunger strike on the steps of the National Palace of Culture in Guatemala city. You can read the article in English at http://guatadopt.com/discussions/index.php?topic=6611.0 . They assure officials that their babies were stolen in 2006 and they have reason to believe they were given up for adoption. They want all files from 2006-present looked through to help find their babies.
The new Attorney General wants to clean up corruption within PGN and the attorneys who have corrupted the system. They are calling for a complete audit of all files currently in PGN to find irregularities and prosecute those who have broken the law.

I feel calm! If a few more months without my baby home assures me and Willow forever that her relinquishment and adoption were completed with love and integrity, that is a price I can not afford to resent. My hope is that the new people in authority in Guatemala have the wisdom to prosecute the offenders quickly so that the rest of the cases can begin to move again.

I believe my attorney should receive my letter either late this week or early next week and I will be ready to re-enter PGN at that time. They are accepting files - just not releasing them.

Willow's birth mother has been interviewed twice already, assuring officials that she willingly gave up this baby. One DNA test has been completed and another will be performed before I bring Willow home. There is little doubt that my own case is squeaky clean, but I would never, ever want to rush through at another mother's loss!

Good News/Bad News

2008-04-27T07:24:00.003-05:00

Good News:

I am done with minor's. When I am resubmitted to PGN I will follow the normal review process like everyone else.
My letter required for the kick out is on its way to Guatemala. They should receive it sometime this week. As soon as my attorney gets my file reorganized I'll be ready to get resubmitted.
President Bush is meeting with Guatemala's president Colom this week, on Tuesday. Perhaps the topic of adoption will come up...

Bad News:

The attorney general of Guatemala has been fired and all adoptions are frozen. Again. Even files that have been approved are not being released at this time.
The head of PGN, Barrios, is potentially being fired so there is talk that all files will be audited to look for irregularities and unnecessary delays being made. This would take weeks or months, during which time no files (babies) would be released. Hopefully I'll hear more this week about whether or not this will happen.

Reason for kick out

2008-04-19T19:06:00.003-05:00

I received an email at work on Friday morning that the reason I was kicked out is because PGN wants a letter stating that I am not gay (because I'm single). So I wrote a letter, got it notarized during lunch hour, my parents picked it up and brought it to the secretary of state's office to get a state seal (yes, a state seal on my "not gay" letter). After work I brought it to UPS to overnight it to a courier who will bring it to the Guatemala consulate's office in Chicago (to authenticate my "not gay" letter) and overnight it back to Bethany, so they can get it to Guatemala right away. I just want to get back "IN" PGN as soon as possible! I still haven't heard if I'm done with the minor's part, but I'm hoping to hear about that on Monday. My prayer is that when I am resubmitted I will be able to bypass minors because they've completed the birth mother interview (and investigation).

Can you imagine anyone believing there are unethical adoptions in Guatemala? They are going through every single file with a fine tooth comb! This kick out is absurd (couldn't I just lie either way), however it does demonstrate that government officials are demanding all adoption laws are followed. There will no doubt when Willow comes home that everything was ethical in her relinquishment and adoption.

I remain unusually calm. I find myself hearing Sandra's words: All will be well. That and the phrase that got me through as I waited for Lily: "It'll be fine in the end. If it's not fine, it's not the end."

Kicked out of PGN

2008-04-16T06:55:00.006-05:00

I called PGN on Monday, and found out that we were kicked out of PGN on April 9th. Sandra can't tell me anything about the legal part of Willow's case, so I have to wait to hear the details from my agency, which often takes weeks. I'm hoping it's something that can be fixed quickly so I get back in right away. Usually people are kicked out for tiny errors such as misspellings or papers out of order according to the index provided by the attorney, etc. Occassionally it involves an error on a birth certificate (of the baby or the birth parent(s)), which can take weeks or months to replace. When I am resubmitted to the PGN, I go back to the beginning at the bottom of the pile and wait to hear if I'm approved or kicked out again. Often families are kicked out three or more times.

I got an email from Sandra today telling me that Pili is getting more active every day. She walks by herself now, she loves the bath and hates getting out, she loves to dance and when they sit her down she jumps up and dances again. When they take her to the store she wants to touch everything and when she sees kids playing she wants to play with them. She loves to play with the little girl in the picture (Lucia) and they run through the house together shouting and laughing. She wanted to eat all of the cotton candy in that picture, and "Thus she did." Also, they have 2 dogs and Willow loves them.

And this sentence deserves a paragraph all to itself. It actually deserves its own blog, but this will have to do: I asked Sandra where Willow sleeps - if she has a crib. She told me that Pili sleeps with Veronica at night and does not have her own "cradle".

I emailed her that I have felt unusually calm the last few days. She responded that it is God giving me this "serenity" to assure me that "all will turn out well." She said "Pili is going to arrive home, perhaps not at the moment that you expected but at the moment that has to be." Also "Be relaxed. Trust in God and in which is being done for your case and you will see that all will turn out well."

Keeping my mind off Willow

2008-04-09T21:31:00.007-05:00

Lily started gymnastics and it's adorable! Yaya, Grace, Tate, Grammy, Papa, and King (as Lily has always called my gramma King) all came to see her first practice tonight. She was so proud to see them all there to cheer her on!

And my girl breaks out the "bridge" on the first night. Ouch!

Gimme an L. Gimme an I. Gimme another L. Gimmy a Y. Go Lily go!

And, lastly, one of our favorite activities this spring. The deck needs to be stripped and stained, but in the mean time Lily LOVES to peel the paint with a scraper. She, seriously, begs me to let her go out there and try to get "BIG HUGE" pieces of paint off. It's a bribe sometimes - I can get her to do almost anything quickly if she gets to peel paint afterwards. I'm sure the neighbors love me right now. Shades curtesty of Beam. Thanks, Beam!

No news is bad news and it drives me crazy!

2008-04-08T19:27:00.005-05:00

I've been in PGN for just over a month and the birth mother still hasn't been interviewed. I called on Monday, April 7th and will call again next Monday. Now that my agency told Sandra not to share info with me, I'm pretty much in the dark except for the often week old information I get when I can get through to PGN. Once the birth mother is interviewed, I still have a minimum of several weeks in PGN, so the odds of getting out before school are getting pretty slim. Thankfully I have Lily to keep me busy and distracted. I'm posting pictures of Willow's room since I haven't received any news pictures in about week and a half (hear the moping in that?).

Awwwww

2008-03-30T12:37:00.019-05:00

I got new pictures this morning! To be clear: Veronica is Willow's foster mother. Sandra is my attorney's assistant, Veronica's sister, and the woman who emails me. She also lives with Veronica, so also lives with Willow (who they all call Pili). It sort of sounds like a "Who's on first" joke, but hopefully that helps. Now if you're already confused don't bother reading this:
Sandra is married to Ernesto. Veronica has two teenage daughters (Shirley and Melisa). Arnoldo and Carmen are grandfathers and live with them too. Lucky baby to have all that love in one house!

Sandra with Willow:

Ernesto (Sandra's husband):

The question is: When is Grandpa Bruce (aka "Papa") going to get a perm to help Pili feel comfortable after she gets here? Perhaps another vote is around the corner for this little blog...

Willow is looking at a photo I emailed to them of Lily and I:

I sent this dress down for Willow several months ago. She was wearing it the day she got the build a bear we made for her too. This is my favorite picture from this batch. That nose!!!

Sandra called this one "Pili haciendo naricitas" Translation anyone? I get "doing naricitas" when I use my normal website. Not much help, which happens a lot as I'm trying to communicate back and forth! I shudder to think what they receive as I cut and paste from English to Spanish in my lengthly emails.

I have learned that Pilar is a common name for girls in Guatemala. Willow's birth mother named her Amanda del Pilar Zabala, so the name Pili is just a nickname for Pilar.

I received a video tape on Thursday. I wish I knew how to go from tape, to disk, to computer because Willow is DARLING on this thing. She bounces while standing and holding onto Veronica's hands. She's real quiet, but happy. The narrator (at the dr. office) said on the tape that normally they would have the baby sitting on the table or crawling so I could see her better, but because she'd just had that exam she didn't want to be apart from Veronica. So cute, but YIKES. I better rest up while I can for what could be a very difficult transition period for all of us.

When Sandra told Veronica that I have photos of Veronica holding Pili in her room here at my house, she wrote that it made Veronica "cry with emotion".

More pictures from Sandra

2008-03-23T20:02:00.004-05:00

Sandra emailed me this weekend. She wrote about how sad they will be to say goodbye to Pili. Veronica, the foster mother (and Sandra's sister) cries when she talks about it. She said that Pili throws things when she gets mad and her left arm is very strong - she thinks she may be a baseball player some day. I emailed more pictures of Lily and I, and one of Lily with her friend Anna who was born in Guatemlala. When Pili saw that picture she stared at it; Sandra told her that's her hermanita (sister) and Pili laughed and tried to touch the computer screen. She loves the show Backyardigans on TV and tried to touch the TV screen when it comes on. In the pictures, she said Pili was uncomfortable because she doesn't like to be naked. Wait 'til she's been hanging around our house a while - hermanita prefers to be naked! We'll break her in.

Sandra says Pili has stolen their hearts. My mom recently remembered a funeral where the death was compared to a ship leaving port: the people waving goodbye are crying tears of sorrow and the people waiting for the arrival are crying tears of joy. Both emotions are equal in proportion for opposite reasons. It will be a difficult time, one that can't come soon enough for me. I will do all I can to help Willow grieve and to comfort her foster family while they adjust to life without her. Sandra assures me that hearing about our daily life and seeing pictures comforts them. I'll continue that when Willow is home for as long as possible.

Laura at PGN

2008-03-16T02:07:00.006-05:00

This is a picture of the infamous PGN. Please send a quick prayer over this place that has tremendous power over granting Willow's adoption approval in a speedy fashion. PGN stands for Procuradoria General de la Nacion. The PGN in Guatemala is made up of lawyers, judges, counselors and administrators. (Picture courtesy of http://guatemala.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/my-visit-to-pgn-a-report-from-the-belly)

This is the woman who all families adopting from Guatemala know and love. Laura answers the phones at the PGN and willingly gives updates on your case. She speaks English well, is polite and friendly, and if her information is not current, she encourages families to call back soon.

Doctor visit

2008-03-13T12:23:00.006-05:00

Willow went to the doctor on Monday. She weighs a healthy 20 lbs. Look at that sad face - I'm thinking she may have had shots. Poor baby. Thank goodness for the pictures from Sandra! Without them, these sad pictures from my agency would have been all I've seen since December (when she went to the doctor last). The ziplock bags are what I've sent down for her - some clothes, some gifts for the foster family, etc. Could her bandanda be any cuter?!

Update: 3/22/08

Sandra reports that Willow was sad because they had to set her down on the examining table and she HATES to be "examined". As soon as Veronica picked her up and walked away with her, Willow was happy.

Lily and Grace

2008-03-12T21:38:00.002-05:00

I took this picture before Christmas and just came across it. I have to post it because of the picture Sandra sent me of Willow in those funny glasses. I guess that pose is universal. Small world.

New pictures from Sandra

2008-03-12T06:35:00.010-05:00

Sandra explained that this procession passes in front of their home every day during holy week. Pili loves to go outside and see the people and eat cotton candy (I emailed a picture of Lily eating cotton candy at the state fair last year). One day Pili saw another boy lifted high near a phone booth so he could see better. She threw a fit until they lifted her high near the same phone booth, and when they did she became "tranquil". The men are holding up sacred items showing Jesus and Mary.

Sandra emailed me these pictures last night. She said that in one picture, Willow was watching Nemo for 15 minutes and eating bread. She also said that Willow was to the doctor yesterday and received the last 2 packages I sent. I had enclosed some pictures of Lily and I (before we had this email connection) and she was very thankful for them. She also said that she can't give me any more details about the legal case because it makes my agency uncomfortable. We don't want to do anything to jeapardize anything, and I'm just so thankful to have any information at all!

She wrote that they love Willow ("Pili") so much that they are thrilled I am so interested in her. They believe she will have a good life here and she will be loved.

Lily gets some air time

2008-03-09T23:01:00.002-05:00

Here's a couple things Ms. Lily was up to this weekend:

1. She walked out of Pastor Bud's children's sermon. To be fair, she's used to 3-4 minute chats up there. She just got up, gave Diane (the organist) a hug as she passed her, and came up the aisle to ask me why everyone was laughing. He stopped talking as soon as she stood up. As she left he said "I guess we're done here."

2. During Sunday School, Lily told everyone it was her birthday today. She got to go up front, get sung to by all the kids, and got a great big "Happy Birthday" sticker on her shirt. She later asked my dad if he wanted it to be his birthday today - she told him if he said yes he could get some money in his pocket. WHAT?!? If you ask her when her birthday is, she'll tell you "August 27, 2004". This incident today was no accident.

3. I'll add one really nice thing, so readers are not too hard on my girl: during ice skating lessons the teachers have to tell Lily not to help her little peers up off the ice. She's had 3 lessons and she's already thinking it's her job to help the kids and help the teachers. She's a giver!

New pictures from Sandra

2008-03-07T22:09:00.010-06:00

Sandra sent me an amazing email tonight, including 9 pictures.

She tells me that Willow

was scared of the teddy bear

we sent at first, but now she

is not. Now when they say "We

love you, baby Willow" she

laughs.

Sandra would like me to send a

larger picture of Lily and I. She

thinks Willow is intelligent enough

to learn and remember our faces

so she will be happier to go

to us.

I had asked if Pili has a special

blanket or toy that comforts

her when she's scared or hurt.

Sandra says she doesn't yet.

I also asked if Pili is shy and

Sandra said she is not. She

loves her 5 year-old niece and

laughs at her a lot.

IN PGN 3-7-08

2008-03-07T22:01:00.004-06:00

We're in!!! Sandra reports today that she was able to enter my file to PGN today. Other families have been getting "out" in approximately one month. After I'm out, as I've said, it will be about 6-8 weeks 'til I can get her. However, because Willow's birth mother is a minor, there will be extra investigation (including another interview to be sure she has not been coerced and is relinquishing her baby of free will). Because of this, I could spend closer to 2 or 3 months in PGN. I do believe we are officially in the home stretch!

Care Package to Baby Willow

2008-03-07T02:37:00.006-06:00

Lily and I made this bear at Build A Bear. We recorded a message, so when its paw is squeezed it says: "We love you Baby Willow!" Lily was giving it a hug and kiss to bring to her baby sister.

COMPUTER'S FIXED!

2008-03-06T05:59:00.003-06:00

Sandra emailed me late last night - she wrote "Your prayers have been heard. The social worker's report was delivered today." She could only type for a minute because her husband was using the computer for University work, but she said she would email me again today. I assured her that the most difficult part of waiting for me is not knowing what is going on day to day and thanked her for letting me know right away. I told her how I have printed all her emails about Pili and read them every night before I go to sleep, I carry the picture she sent every where I go, and I stare at that baby's face all day long.

Now my prayer is that I will get into PGN as soon as possible.

Update on delay

2008-03-03T12:21:00.004-06:00

Willow's case entered Guatemalan Family court in September. The social worker who interviewed her birth mother needs to write a report, a judge signs off on it, and the file is then sent to PGN. I have been agonizing for weeks now about why my case has not been released from family court, and have not gotten any explanations. When I was told last Friday that it still had not been released I was sure something dreadfully wrong was happening (the birth mother changed her mind or the judge found something wrong, etc.).

Well, today I was told that the reason it's still not been released is because the social worker's computer is broken. How long it's been broken or when it might get fixed or replaced is unknown. I am relieved, frustrated, and somehow amused. I asked if we could just chip in and get a new computer for her, but it seems that is not an option at this point.

Waiting for Willow

2008-03-02T21:40:00.004-06:00

Here are the steps we are currently waiting for:

X 1. Release of file from family court. DONE! 3-5-08

X 2. File entering PGN. DONE! 3-7-08

3. File exiting PGN (2 weeks - 3 months)

4. 6-8 weeks after PGN "out" I will go to Guatemala to get Willow. I have to wait for another DNA test, a Visa, a new birth certificate, etc. before I can get her.

I got an email from her foster family asking me if I'd like to have contact with them. Naturally I sent a long, emotional email back (through an online translation) begging for any updates, pictures, and asking lots of questions. I found out they call her Pili, but I don't know why. I also know:

1. Pili loves bananas

2. She doesn't nap (WHAT?!)

3. She crawls forward and backward.

4. She goes to sleep at night being held and sung to.

5. There is a show on Discovery Kids that she loves - whenever the white dog with the black spot on his eye comes on at the end, she stops and stares at the TV.

6. There are 5 adults and 2 teenagers in the house with Willow and they all adore her.

7. She has a "strong character" and gets into everything. She can't be left alone for one second.

8. I know I want her home more than ever. I have no doubt anymore that she will get here, and that was enough to keep me peaceful for about 2 months. Last week I stopped being patient and thankful. Now I want her home!