NOT on final reviewer's desk afterall

I found out last week that we are not on the final reviewer's desk. I called PGN myself to ask if they could tell me more about why files haven't been released for nearly a month. Instead of just answering that question, I was transferred several times and ultimately spoke with a man whom I could hear making several calls on my behalf. It seems they were unable to find my file! I was transferred to another woman who asked me to email her so she could take time to locate my file and respond to my email on Monday. Her response indicated that my file was BACK in minor's division because PGN would like their own psychologist to interview Willow's birth mother again. Yes, this will be her 4th interview! My attorney is hoping to get the interview scheduled for this week. Then I'm sure I go back to the bottom of the pile of files waiting to be reviewed and approved.

In the meantime, the reason they haven't released a SINGLE file in a month: Computers are down. I am speechless.

Waiting for final signature

I got new pictures of my girl this week:

My file is waiting for final signature in PGN. We don't know if this is another Kick Out for an error within the file or it it's finally approval. And we don't know how long it will take to get that signature. Apparently the person who has to sign off is behind and has a sizable stack of files to go through and sign.

15 Months old

Willow is now 15 months old. We are still stuck waiting in PGN, which is similar to the U.S. Secretary of State. We just have to wait for their approval and pray I don't get kicked out again for some silly error.

Sandra sent me these pictures last night. She took them at her office, where she works for my attorney. She wrote that Pili is a "daredevil" and she gets mad and fights when they take dangerous things away from her. She likes to look at story books for a long time and she takes everything out of the cabinets at their home. She loves to sing and dance. She says they all "lament" that PGN has not approved yet, but they expect Pili to leave them soon. She knows her leaving will be painful for everyone. She gave Pili the kisses that I sent through email and says Pili is happy almost all the time.

She went to the doctor last week. She weighs 23 lbs and says mama, papa, grandma, grandpa, bottle, milk, bread, water, nene and nena (what do they mean - I have no idea). I'm learning some Spanish from my students this year and have a lot more work to do.

The purple/green dress is one that I sent to her last month. The pink mocassin type shoes are from Beamer - aren't they cute?! I was getting the feeling she'd outgrow them before I got her here to wear them.

They have started calling her Willow some of the time so it is not "unfamiliar" to her. I hadn't mentioned that I'd call her Pili for a while and gradually switch to Willow - now I guess it'll be easier. Maybe this will be our week. I have said that every week since August...

Lily and I get away for a while

Lily and I took a little trip last week. We spent 2 nights camping in Door county first. Lily is cooking our dinner :



We took the ferry to Washington Island. When we were in route to the island Lily asked me "WHERE are the fairies?" I explained the difference between a FERRY and a FAIRY and she responded: "This is not awesome, mom. I thought we were going to see fairies."

We rented bikes (really one bike with a tag-a-long) and did the Sunset Loop through Pennisula State park, which follows along Lake Michigan and through 2 of the state parks. It was beautiful.

After Door County, we spent 2 nights in Milwaukee for a reunion with the families we traveled with to China. Thirteen of the families made it! Seeing all those girls (and their families) was honestly the highlight of my summer. When we met those babies, they were scared and sad and basically inconsolable. Now they are happy, sassy, confident, healthy little girls. Amazing. They played in the pool most of the weekend while the adults visited. We broke up pool time with a trip to the Milwaukee Zoo and dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. I'll include a photo from last weekend and one from 2004 in China:

And lastly, before we went home we spent 5 nights at my parent's cabin. Lily got to fish with the new BARBIE pole papa bought her. Kris "Beamer", Lyle and Alex were there for 3 days, and Lily adores Alex (a little too much according to Alex).

Now we spend the last 2 weeks of summer waiting for news of Willow. I can't believe we're still waiting. I keep praying to be "out" before we go back to school, but it looks bleak to be honest.

Email from Sandra

I got the sweetest email from Sandra yesterday. She wrote that Pili hated having ink on her hands for those hand/foot prints. She didn't cry, but she stared at it and held her hands out to her as if to say "What is this?". She wanted it cleaned off right away and then checked her hands thoroughly to make sure they were completely clean.

She also wrote that she cried when she say the picture I sent of Lily holding hands with my dad. She wrote that someday it will be Pili in that photo walking away with her grandfather.

And that Pili "is identifying incredibly with Veronica" (the foster mom) and that she cries when she can not see her. I had asked in a previous email if she thought, based on Willow's personality, if it would terribly difficult for her to go with me. She said "I believe that the separation is going to be very hard for the two. I believe that for you also because she perhaps cry like he did him Lily. That good that acquired experience with Lily and he will know that to do and that finally she will be well. This calms me because itself that in the end Pili be on good terms with you." Understand there are translation problems because I use an online, free site that is sketchy at best. I can usually get the gist, which I'm sure is all she can do with what I send to her.

How can I dread the day that I am more excited about than anything else in the world? It's the strangest place to be. I ache for these people and for Willow - not that I wouldn't jump on the chance to get her TODAY if I could. But as long as I have no control, I don't mind that we're putting it off for her. I know. I know. It only gets harder for her as time goes on. It makes no sense - but what about mothering ever does?!

INTERVIEW DONE!!

My social worker emailed me this morning: The birth mother interview was completed yesterday and everything went fine. I don't know which I worried more about - the time this wait was adding to the process or the fear that her birth mother would change her mind. At any rate - it's over! Some families are approved a month after the interview is complete, some have been kicked out a few times before they're approved. There is no way to predict what will come next or how long we'll wait for whatever it is. All I know for sure is that I had NO chance of getting approved until this interview was done and now it is.

Camping and the Cabin

Still no news on the birth mother interview, so while we wait for an update, here are some shots of Lily to keep us on course. Thanks for sticking with this long, boring journey! All the kids love 4 wheeler rides with Papa at the cabin.

She'll cuddle up with this mayfly, but if there's so much as an ANT in our house she's hysterical. One of the many quirks of the mysterious Lily.

Tate and Lily are so "on" right now. They have been adoring each other! No fights, no squabbles, just games and silliness. I hope this lasts a while.

It's all fun and games 'til some one gets a leach. Once Lily had to deal with THAT unspeakable torture, she was done playing in the water. Thankfully it didn't happen 'til the day before we left the cabin.

Lily is officially a compulsive fisher-girl. She caught these walleye and had to throw one back because it was TOO BIG. After that every time papa got up she'd ask where he was going. She was devasted to wake up one morning with him already out on the lake without her. She had a line off the dock all weekend.

We went camping at Kamp Dels the weekend before we went up north. Lily LOVES to sleep in the tent.