July update

Good bye, Andrew and Matthew! We will miss you next year when you're in Seattle. Lily's soccer:

Yaya's killer athletic instinct she does not have. But Lily has fun at soccer. When we got in the car this night I asked her what she and the "coach" were talking about. She goes "Dinner." It turns out she told her coach we were going to Cub Foods for groceries and getting JoJos for dinner. Her coach told her she was having chicken and rice and carrots for dinner. That's my girl - get the important details of a person's life all figured out!

We had a blast at the cabin over the 4th. Lily preferred driving the jet ski over riding in the tube.

Willow loved hanging out with her uncle and great-uncle:

We camped at Kamp Dels a couple weeks ago. Willow did great in the tent - she did have one knock-down-drag-out tantrum Saturday afternoon by the pool that weekend. She wanted to keep her sandwich box-thing open while she ate and I wanted it shut. I won, but it was a 45 minute fit so violent a stranger asked if I was OK. Picture sweat, drool, tears, food throwing, sandwich smashing, screaming, kicking, stomping, rage.

And then you look at this little mug and wonder if it's possible, right? I want a shirt that says "It's not my fault." At some point I'll take some ownership of her fits, but we're still not to the 4 month mark yet, so I can still blame for a while longer.

Tate was asleep on a pool-side lounge chair, but they all had a blast playing in the pool that weekend. They swam from 10am - 5 pm on Saturday. Oh, and I have the nerve to wonder why Willow had that lunch-time tantrum...

Not only did Lily cook her own dinner, she completely set up the sleeping mats and bags and pillows in our tent when we first arrived. As soon as I had the tent up, Lily begged to "organize" the inside. She pried each mat and bag out of it's tight-fitting bag, matched up the correct bag and pillow for each of the 3 of us, and came out dripping with sweat. Uncle and I asked her over and over: "Lily, don't you want to go swimming with Grace and Tate?" She had all the windows zipped up, so it was about 100 degrees inside the tent. That kid cracks me up.

June update

We were the only family at the beach this day because it was so chilly. The girls mostly dug in the sand and got their toes wet. We've been back since (on a hot day) and they had a blast! Willow loves to splash in the water, chase after Lily, dig in the sand, and pull her giant noodle around in the water.

Willow has been MUCH better with Gram. One day this week when I dropped them off over there for summer school, Willow didn't cry at all - she danced around their house and laughed. When I left she waved out the window with a huge smile on her face. Wednesday my mom brought them out to Tom and Gail's and Willow stayed far away from Grammy most of the day. For some reason during the hay ride, she cuddled up and was more connected to her the rest of the day. How is it possible they keep having the same expression? Grammy can't even see Willow's face!

Willow was having a terrible time this night - she was tired and crabby out at yaya's house, but we couldn't leave 'til my dad and Ross had the car top carrier put on my car. So Willow walked around crying inconsolably. She wouldn't let me hold her, she wouldn't lay down and watch a movie - nothing sounded good to her. Then Jen grabbed her favorite book and Willow cuddled up with her and finally relaxed.

Willow went to the doctor yesterday for her 2 year well check. She was a rock star! When we walked in she greeted the receptionists with waves and smiles. Last time (three month ago) she had that heavy chip on her shoulder. They could not believe the difference three months has made in her. They brought both girls behind the counter again for stickers. Three months ago Blanca (holding Willow below) asked Willow about her shoes (in Spanish) and Willow took off her shoes, held them behind her back and shook her finger "no no no" at Blanca. This time Blanca did the same thing, but Willow didn't respond at all. I'm thinking she's already lost Spanish, which makes me sad. Willow was perfectly happy until we walked into the examining room. She must have remembered it because she took one look at that table and shook her finger and said "no no no". Everything the nurse wanted to check (ears, temp., etc.) made Willow cry. When the doctor came in, I asked if we could have Lily up on the table and let her do everything first. As soon as the doctor checked Lily's eyes, Willow was pointed to her own eyes and asking to be checked. Same with her heart, ears, etc.

We are very sad that we just had our last play session with Andrew. He's moving to Duluth for the summer and then to Seattle for the school year while his dad does a fellowship in Urology (did I say that right, Christy?). We met at a splash pad in Robinsdale for our last hurrah.

Summer's on

Here's our favorite summer hang-out - The Lookout: We went to celebrate Grammy's birthday last week. It's the perfect place for adults to chat while the kids play. When Willow smooches her lips pucker up like a little platypus. Yaya's joining the platypus club:Beamer was here last weekend and spent the night (to avoid sleeping in a home made lean-to with Alex and Lyle for Alex's birthday). The girls adored her. Willow ran to her all weekend wrapping her arms around Beam's legs. Obviously Lily adores her too, but that's old news. In this picture Beam was trying to get Willow to count to 3. She'd go "ONE... how old are you?" and Willow would yell "TWOOOO!" then Lily'd shout "THREEEEE" and Beam would sort of drop them in her arms.

I'm celebrating the first day of summer vacation home alone! Grammy decided to try keeping Willow over-night during a week she gets to come home the next day, so she's not overwhelmed. For the next 2 weeks the girls will be with Grammy all day Mon-Thursday while I teach summer school. Willow gave me a big smooch goodbye today with no tears at all. I've only called 3 times to check on the situation - papa had to lay down with Willow during nap time and they both ended up falling asleep together. I hope bed time goes better - with adults in their own beds!

Here are some recent developments:

1. Lily moved back into her old room. It all started one night when Willow went "UGH" to Lily in the dark and Lily sobbed so hysterically I thought Willow was killing her in her sleep. I offered Lily to sleep on the floor in her old room in a sleeping bag and she took me up on the offer. I've offered before and she's always declined. Clearly the honeymoon is about over. She slept on the floor 2 nights in a row, but resisted my idea of moving her bed back. After 2 nights of smoother bedtimes, I managed to convince her to officially move. So now, it's been 6 nights in a row of perfect bedtime. Willow doesn't get out of bed or cry and Lily goes to sleep much faster. I've been "off the clock" by 8pm for almost a week straight. I'm glad I gave them those 3 months together - I think it helped Willow learn to go to bed alone and I think it helped Lily bond. They're both VERY happy to be in their own rooms though. The first afternoon Lily just layed on her bed, alone, looking around her room smiling at all her stuff for about a half an hour!

2. Willow has significantly fewer tantrums. She pitched one today in the Walgreens parking lot - threw herself on the the asphalt because I didn't understand whether or not she wanted to bring her sandwich into the store. The average is down to about 1 a day. It's much easier for me to stay calm when I only have to deal a few instead of the steady stream we had initially! I think she understands so much more, so she is less frustrated. She also understands me repeating things back to her and telling her "later".

3. Willow loves Elmo. He's the first character she notices and acknowledges. She cracks up at him on TV and says his name every time she brushes her teeth because he's on her toothbrush.

4. I still email Sandra and Veronica in Guatemala often. On Willow's birthday they sent about 7 email birthday cards with personalized notes from each family member. They miss her, but I believe that ache of lonliness is slowly easing.

5. I laugh at Willow every single day. She is silly and clever and happy. She belly laughs at the simplest things - balloons, tripping as she walks, Lily walking in the room, etc. She sings full volume in the car as we listen to Mama Mia or Wicked. No words, just belting out a bunch of racket to the tune of "Dancing Queen" among other tunes. She imitates every gesture, noise and facial expression she sees. Be very careful what you say around her!

6. If we keep feeling the relief of adjustment at the rate we have in the first 3 months, I can't imagine how great we're going to be doing at 6 months. Willow will always have a hot little temper and Lily will always be fragile - I will always have to work at patience and calm - but we "fit" together in a way that didn't happen immediately. We really do fit together. I wonder if that takes time for all families. Maybe it does.

UPDATE: Grammy just called to say that bedtime was a raving success over there in Brooklyn Center! Lily and Willow are on the floor in side by side sleeping bags in the sewing room. Everybody gave kisses and hugs and layed down quietly. No tears! Hello, summer vacation! This means while I'm teaching summer school and grammy's doing day care, an over-night or two is not out of the question. YEA!!!!!

End of the Year

I know to most people December is the end of the year, but to a teacher the end of the year comes in May. We are ending this year with so much adjustment behind us I am incredibly relieved. I remember looking forward to this time (3 months after brining Willow home) before I even left to go get her. There is just something about the 3 month mark. I really think it's more about my own adjustment than hers, but either way: we have arrived. We are SO much more comfortable, calm and content. All three of us actually.

This week on Thursday my mom picked the girls up from day care for me because I had to work late. Willow screamed bloody murder and tried to cling on to Diane's shirt as grammy pulled her away. It sounds like an awful scene. She screamed all the way to the car and while grammy buckled her in. By the time they drove to the end of the block Willow was done screaming and was puckered up in the rearview mirror wanting a kiss from Gram. She stopped the car, got out, and opened the back door to smooch on that kid. That's true devotion! They went to our house, had dinner and then met me at Lily's last gymnastics class. Willow stayed in grammy's arms even when I got there! She stayed with grammy for about 30 minutes and even walked back out to the car with her to get water. It was FAR more exciting to watch this unfold than Lily's last gymnastics.

And I gotta post a few of Liller's amazing stunts:

Memorial weekend

We spent all day Saturday at Gail and Tom's farm in Becker.

Lily crossed the monkey bars all by herself for the first time:

Willow gave grammy a dandilion. They are making major progress, but it's still not what it should be. A friend told me that Willow's stress (according to adoption researchers) is comparable to the Iraq soldiers coming home after battle. These children suffer from PTSD, have anxiety they can't express, and suffer psychologically, physically, and socially for a very long time. Willow has done so well, I sort of thought she beat the odds that way, until Aunt Julanne suggested that her reaction toward Grammy might indicate that PTSD - similar to when a soldier hears a helicopter or car back fire and breaks into a cold sweat. Willow seems happy and confident and remarkably well adjusted, but when she sees grammy she screams and cries and clings to me. She stares at her hands, she hides her eyes, she nervously rubs her forhead/hair line with the back of her hand over and over. It makes sense - grammy was there when she suffered the only terror she's had in her life. She can't resent or fear me. I asked Julanne what they do to help these soldiers and all she could think of is that they give them a dog. We're not getting a dog. I'm thinking we'll just re-train her brain with enough positive experiences that she'll eventually connect grammy with fun and love and affection. She did give grammy this dandilion. She also kissed her through the fence posts of the horse arena this day!

Grace pulled Willow on this little cart. Willow's visited the farm 3 times and this was the first day she'd get this far away from me. She arrived with yaya because Jen had my girls that morning, and when they got out of the car, Willow looked at me and said "NO!" and stayed in yaya's arms! I went on a hay ride with Lily and Willow was perfectly happy to stay with her yaya.

We stopped at Gail and Tom's log cabin on the hayride. Lily was checking out the horse (and other animal) bones with her cousins McKenzie and McKayla:

More from the hayride:

We also stopped at the old school house and the girls found a frog. McKenzie "saved it's life" from the water bucket near the pump:

Doesn't Willow look comfortable on the farm?!

She doesn't like any of the animals, so this was major progress:

She loves Uncle Carl! He does whatever she tells him and he plays and plays with her:

And here is the true sign of a good day:

We got home at 11:30pm. Lily and Grace WANTED to take a middle-of-the-night bath. Willow went to bed filthy - I have never seen them dirtier!

On Sunday we celebrated Willow's birthday, which isn't actually until June 4th.

Her favorite gift was the box of Dots from yaya:

In case you wonder how I knew this was her favorite gift:

She wouldn't blow out the candles, but loved tasting the frosting:

She had a blast playing with the sidewalk paint from Jeff and Debbie.

Lily went home from the party with grammy and papa. She was so overtired from the day/night at Gail's farm that she couldn't stop crying. The height of her hysterics was when she asked if she could take the GIANT stuffed bunny (from Mrs. Vanderwarn) out to her sandbox and sobbed when I said "no". Seriously - she picked that fight with me, didn't she? She knew the answer. When grammy and papa got here for the party, she was crying because I wouldn't let her wear jeans (it was 80 degrees outside). She had a great time sleeping with grammy and papa and came home the next day much happier.

Willow is having fewer and fewer tantrums every day! When I look back on those first weeks, I am amazed at the progress we've all made. I still get incredibly frustrated with the tantrums and iron will, but it is totally manageable now. Very often, if I just repeat what it is I think she wants ("You want milk?" or "You want to eat?") and then tell her "Later we will ____" she's totally fine. It's like she just wants to be understood. And it isn't just Willow who's improved - I've learned how to parent her better and Lily's learned how to listen instead of constantly getting in her space. There are still days I feel guilty for losing my cool with either of them, but overall we've come a long, long way.

Now when I tell Willow something, particulary a warning (ie "If you get out of your bed, your baby is going bye bye") she says "TAY" for OK. It's the cutest thing in the world. She seems to have learned that when you just say "OK" this mom gets quieter and calmer. Lily learned this trick long ago, and I tried very hard to get Willow to say it right off (instead of trying to hit me every time I reprimanded her for some little thing). It took a while, but this little trick of hers is going to buy us all a lot of sanity.

When you say "How old are you, Willow?" she cheers "TWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!". It's cute. She does it for Lily and I endlessly, so I'm optimistic she'll do it for others when they ask. Me and my rose colored glasses...

When Lily spent the night at my parents' last weekend, Willow constantly said her name with her shoulders shrugged and her palms outstretched. She was always thinking about her sister and looking for her. At bedtime she goes "Lily bye bye" as she looked across at Lily's bed. Does that count as a tiny, little sentence? If we count that, she's said a couple other sentences: "Bye home" (every day as we pull out of the driveway), "LILYYYYYYYY... EAAAAAAT" (calling Lily to dinner), and "Hi, Lily" in the back seat where they sit about 6 inches apart.

Willow loves going to day care! She smiles when we pull in the driveway and talks to Diane (the day care provider) on her pretend cell phone almost every day. All I hear is "Di" mixed in with a bunch of unrecognizable words. She's had a couple timeouts for not following directions, but she does not hit there - which is a relief. When we were first home I was scared to death she'd bite other kids there. When I pick her up she's always happy to see me, but not hysterical like Lily was as a day care baby. Every once in a while she complains a little as I'm leaving her, but there are not even tears. I have no doubt it's about the same way I feel about getting up early and out the door every day. They eat healthy food, do crafts/projects almost every day, play games, go outside, learn to take turns and share and follow directions, and most importantly she learns that I will always come back. Next year Willow will be on her own there, as Lily will start Kindergarten and attend the school-based day care. I think Willow will do great, but it's been an incredible blessing to have these weeks to adjust with her sister there.

I just have to post this photo so we're all clear that Willow is STILL covering her face when she doesn't want her picture taken. She's so stubborn it's a gift - to her, not me. The other day she wanted her PJs on at nap time, and I let her. The things I find myself giving into with her are embarrassing. She finally napped in her own bed last weekend, so PJs were no big deal to me. At the same time, I'd have never let Lily force me into changing her into PJs at nap time. With Willow, it's a small price to pay to get what I want! My mom makes these little dinosaur towels with her friend Gayle Secrist. They have little dino-scales down the back of the hood. http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7270438 to purchase - I can't resist a little plug for them. The towels are darling.

This is Willow - always silly and looking for a laugh:

First day of Day Care at Diane's: Willow sort of fake-cried for a minute and played happily the rest of the day. Each day of the first week she fake-cried less and less and by Thursday she didn't do it at all. Then Monday, after the first weekened, I was nervous again. She pointed to her mouth, like always, for a kiss and walked off hand-in-hand with Diane. She naps on a little mat on the floor, follows Diane around the house, and plays with the other kids. It's the weirdest thing! No fear, no grieving, no night terrors.... This is upside to her strength I refer to so often.

She's slowly learning to ride her "bike":

We went to Chuck E. on Saturday night with Tate. The saddest thing happened: Big kids told Lily and Tate to give them some tokens. They each handed over a few to 3 different kids while I was dealing with Willow. Lily came running to me with tears pouring down her face. I assured her we'd find the kids and get her tokens back, but we first we had to find Tate to be sure his tokens were safe. We found him shooting something at a game, and he had already given 3 bullies some tokens. He wasn't upset at all, but he did want his tokens back. As we were talking two kids came up and handed back the tokens. They must have been watching and didn't want to get in trouble. I could go on and on, but I'll resist.

Last night we walked the babies around the block before bed. Those babies are high-maintenance! Lots of stops for bottles, blankets, etc.