Gotcha!

I am holding a sleeping girl as I type! I can't deal with pictures right now, but I'll write what I can for those who are interested.

When Sandra and Veronica and Veronica's teen age daughter arrived at the hotel, Willow was sleeping in Veronica's arms. We all walked up to a lounge area where we could have privacy. We spent about 2 hours together, and I think I figured out why Willow might be spoiled. They spoiled US! They brought hand-made table clothes for Jen (yaya), mom and I. They brought a hat for grandpa Bruce. They brought the first shoes Willow ever wore, her favorite snacks, her favorite toys and books, her special blanket, her favorite shoes, etc. etc. It took about an hour for Willow to wake up and settle in. She didn't look at me at first, but with in about an hour she was throwing balloons to me (that they brought to distract her), coloring with me, etc. They have showed her pictures of me this entire time and they call me "Mama Jessie" (mama "yessie"). They used that a lot today - "throw the balloon to mama Yessie", etc. We together told Willow that she has two mamis - mami Veronica and mami Yessie. Veronica told me, through the agency's translator, that Willow changed their home. She came into their lives at a very difficult time in Veronica's life and she was a joy. Their extended family's (parents and grandparents) hearts were changed about adoption after loving Willow. Veronica said she loves Willow like she is her own daughter and she begged me to love to forever and always take care of her. Their mother is assured of my love for Willow because of my email messages over the last year and they told me (with tears streaming down their faces) that Grandma Carmen loves me. The grandpa prays that he is able to dance with Pili on her 16th birthday. We were all crying and Willow kept coloring and playing wildly with the balloons. She laughs so loud it's hard to describe. She ran around the lounge we were in and explored. When Shirley came to kiss her goodbye, Willow gave her a crayon to color with us. When I put my crayon down, she put it back in my hand. She wanted the three of us to color together. When I was playing catch with the balloon with her, she went to Veronica, grabbed her hand and led her to where I was sitting. Willow would throw the balloon to me and then to Veronica. She wanted the three of us to play together.

They each said a personal, heartfelt goodbye to me at the end of our 2 hours together. Then, one by one they came over and kissed Willow whispering their goodbyes. Willow never stopped coloring. When they were all out of the room, I opened the little cup of Jello they brought for her and she devoured it. She never cried. She never ran after them. She didn't even get sad when she was done coloring and done with the Jello and realized we were alone. She played catch with those balloons with my mom and I! She'd put the end of one in my mouth and the end of the other balloon in my mom's mouth and laugh hysterically when we shook our heads and the balloons bounced around. She put crayons in our hands and we all colored together. I was nervous about packing up and heading back to our room, thinking that'd make her nervous. Not at all -she just followed me and my coloring book down the hall and laid on the floor in our hotel room. She'd belly laugh everytime the coloring book would slip under the weight of her hand. She ate some cheese and french fries, and roamed around the room. When I took her out on the patio she laughed so hard at the wind it was sort of eery. Mom said "Is she hysterical?"

Her joy lasted about an hour and then she screamed. She screamed a fierce, angry, exhausting cry that was painful to hear. She'd reach for the door, reach for grammy, then back to me. Sweating and dripping with tears. She was exhausted, but kept on screaming. Finally, after an hour she stopped and stared quietly out on the patio while I rocked her and quietly sang. Veronica had told me that she liked to be sung to. Now she is sleeping on my lap, still quivering once in a while with those after-cry shudders. I am thankful that she was happy when they left because it would have been so awful to pry her out of their arms. I am also thankful that she was never afraid of me. She had time to warm up to me before they left and she heard their assurances that I am OK.

She will sleep in bed with me while we're here. Tomorrow we don't need to go anywhere - just hang out at the hotel and do whatever we can to help Willow grieve.

About Miss Lily: According to VERY helpful emails from Yaya, Lily is having a blast. She loved having papa in her room Sunday night. Tonight she's at yaya's and is going to Grace and Tate's school tomorrow for lunch. Yaya wrote two emails to me as dictated by Lily and they are hilarious. I love hearing the little details about her day - and yaya is going above and beyond! Lily's in good hands and Willow will be OK. All is right in my world tonight...

I'll post some pictures when I can.