The honeymoon is over

Willow let grammy comfort her the other day. I think she was just sad in general - nothing major had triggered it (well, if you call all that's happening to her minor - WHAT am I saying?!). Grammy was so happy to be able to comfort her.

Poor baby.

We went in to meet my class on Thursday this week. Lily and Willow each received a great big bunny from the class and Mrs. Vanderwarn (thank you Mrs. Vanderwarn!) and Lily got to sit up front and answer questions about her new sister. It was fun to spend time with my class, after they've been part of our waiting for Willow all year.

Willow started this annoying trick of covering her face everytime someone wants to take her/our picture. Seriously - this is SO annoying. She doesn't do it for me, but anytime I'm in the picture means someone else is holding the camera, which means she covers her face. Will there EVER be a picture of the three of us without Willow covering her face?

Lily answering questions:

Questions included: "Does she hit?" "Does she really throw her food?" "Do you like having a sister?" "What's your favorite color?" "What's your 2nd favorite color?" and "What's your 3rd favorite color?"

I wonder if Willow was so easy initially because she wasn't safe enough yet to really let the grieving rip. For the last several days she will not leave my side, except to follow Lily around on a very limited basis. She's eating great, largely because I put her bottle in her bed and told her she could have it any time she wanted, but only in bed. I give it to her before nap and bedtime, but other than that she doesn't have it. She ate normal sized meals at breakfast, lunch and dinner tonight. She's sleeping more at night - not waking up and hollering for me to return to her bed - because I started putting her to bed on her own. It takes about an hour of her complaining, but once she's asleep she stays asleep (knock on wood - WHY am I jinxing this at 9pm?!). She will not nap without me, so we're still negotiating that. She cried tonight from about 5:30 'til bedtime. I held her in the rocking chair reading books for about a half hour, which put her in a little trance - that was her only break from sobbing. She was full from dinner, her diaper was dry, and no one was bothering her. This must be grieving. She's sleeping better and eating more, but the methods are very different from her former routines. I feel like I must do what I can to regulate her eating and sleeping, but it comes at a cost - adding more change to her life at once. I know there are some who would argue that I should make those changes later, but I just believe it's going to be worth it when we get this time behind us once and for all instead of stretching out the trauma.

And her annoying new thing again:

We went to the park today and Willow wouldn't leave my side - the same kid who boldly played in the pool in Guatemala. Doesn't that seem like a symptom of delayed grief? She is like a completely different kid from a week ago. Well, she still hollers and points at anyone who tries to talk to her. Today she yelled at a dog (a DOG) who sniffed Lily's bag of side walk chalk as it walked past with its owner. After her "nap" we played in the driveway, and she clung to the side of my chair while Lily biked and played, danced, and twirled.

Olivia Newton John, I mean, LILY is wearing her new Guatemala shirt today. She's my rock. As Willow is clinging to me, crying, throwing temper tantrums, refusing to nap without me, and being generally disagreeable, I just try to focus on Lily as a reminder that this grieving is a process and we will all recover. Lily just sang and danced and hopped around all day today. She said her new shirt made her happy. Lily was much more sad and even more clingy when I brought her home from China. She is proof that everything will be fine in the end. If it's not fine - it's not the end.

Lily and I just keep telling Willow "Esta Bien" (It's OK) and Te Quiero (I love you). Lily has still never once lost her patience with her. Not once. Lily's been a little weepy once or twice a day, in situations that normally wouldn't bring her to tears, but I expected major melt downs. Today she reminded me about 10 times to tell Willow "Bravo" like her foster family did when she did something well.